Padraig, I read your story many years ago when we were members of another forum. It really touched my heart then and you and this forum gave impetus to my prayer life. I've no idea what garden I am in but I am at peace about it. Im where I am supposed to be at the minute. I just keep my head down and keep praying my way through every day and week. I hope I will get a massive surprise someday and find myself in heaven. I TRUST. Mary
Was it St Paul, Mary who said that we must work out our Salvation in fear and trembling.? Yet many things have always given me great hope. I do not believe that anyone who has a True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin will ever be lost. Also the 15 Promises given by Mary to those who say the rosary... ...and in later years the Divine Mercy Devotion has given me huge hope. Apparently St Faustina says that the greater the sinner the greater claim we have to God's Mercy. This really cheers someone like me up loads.
I was so reluctant to share this, but I have been mulling over it and I cannot leave it as it is. It is never better to pray when walking the dogs rather than before The Blessed Sacrament, who sits there and waits for our prayers. I cannot think of anywhere better to be than with Jesus. Don't get me wrong. I pray when I am walking down the road, I listen to my praise music too and sing it in my heart. I talk to God about many things.. But, it doesn't reach down nowhere near as far as the rosary is and it is impossible to give this your full attention whilst out with the dogs. I find, out of all the different types of prayer other than The Mass which is our summit. Rosary and meditations are the ones that come from the bottom of my soul. They are the ones that I hunger and thirst for, as is sitting before Jesus in The Blessed Sacrament. I am hoping that I have simply misunderstood what you were saying Padraig?
Mary's Child, I cannot answer for Padraig and I will never, never minimize the glory of the Blessed Sacrament. After all, I will be at Adoration tomorrow evening. But I believe the Lord gave me an insight a few years back that will provide an additional nuance concerning this precious gift. The Psalmist tells us, "Lord, I love the habitation of your house, the place where your glory dwells!" And surely for us this is true of Our Lord in the monstrance and tabernacle. But I am one prone to be condescending toward others, thinking of myself as superior. The insight given me helps to resist this temptation. I am to look upon the Eucharistic Presence in the tabernacle as a layover on a flight home. If I was visiting my Christopher in Florida that layover would be in Atlanta. So it would be: Fort Meyers to Atlanta to Syracuse. So it is with Jesus. In His great love and humility He comes down from the throne of exaltation in heaven, takes up "residence" in a golden tabernacle and awaits to be lovingly received into our hearts. So it would be: Heaven to a tabernacle to your heart. The tabernacle in our churches is simply a layover. It is you that Our Lord is crazy about. You, Mary's Child, is Jesus' desired tabernacle, the place where His glory dwells. So when I get too big for my britches, I need to remember that that everyone I meet is either a tabernacle or a desired tabernacle for my beloved Lord. As often as you did it for the least of my brethren, you did it for me! O Holy Spirit, help me to love others, to be gentle and respectful toward them, as I lovingly would to Jesus in the tabernacle. Safe on the Father's Lap.
I agree with all of that Mario, and when I am not posting here (seriously thinking about moving away from this computer) I am talking to Jesus all the time. But the summit for me is The Mass and sitting before Jesus in The Blessed Sacrament. I cannot say that anything else is better. I too love Jesus like crazy, which is why I spill my guts here (in the hope of helping others who have been through things) and do all sorts of crazy things for Him. It is also the reason why I run to Him in The Blessed Sacrament. It is like visiting your best friend. Letters and phone calls are good, but nothing beats sitting with them face to face.
I am sure that I misunderstood Padraig which is why I asked. I spend my time begging people to come in and sit with Jesus in The Blessed Sacrament. I was surprised when Padraig said he used to love doing this but now preferred to pray whilst walking. I know someone, they used to walk past our Church to go to a house of someone that had visions of Our Blessed Mother, they asked me to go there, I said, but I have Jesus here in The Blessed Sacrament, they then told me that I should pray at this place because it was so beautiful.. This upset me very much. I certainly hope that I don't give the impression that I am condescending? It is not my intention. In fact, I lose count of the amount of times I say sorry to God, I am a nightmare. I also tend to speak what I am thinking, I don't hold back. People who see me face to face and who know me know that I don't mean any harm. I am just very honest, for me, to hold back would be dishonest. I also like to ask questions in case I have misunderstood. I asked P not so long about about Therese being hit. Turns out I was thinking literally.
I would love to have the relationship with Jesus like you and Mario describe. A very intimate one. Not just knowing about Him but KNOWING Him. I try and try but just can't get there. It just seems like a distant intellectual knowing to me. At times I think uh oh...there it is..I feel my heart getting there and then poof. Nothing real and intimate. I also think that without having an intimate relationship with Him like you would with a spouse or really close friend, there just can't be a true conversion or change because it doesn't come from the heart. It's just based in the mind and true conversion can't happen there. Not for me anyway. I mean how can you make true and lasting change based on some cold and distant relationship? Or intellectual relationship only? So yes the key is having this intimate relationship to where you don't want to hurt that person...not because of fear or commandments. I just don't have it and no matter how hard I pray for it, nothing. People will say keep praying. Pray. Pray. Pray. What good is praying when you feel like you are praying to the wall? It's like having a conversation with a best friend or spouse that isn't there. I just can't see what you all see I guess. You say go to Adoration. Okay fine, all I see is a Medal obstacle on the altar with bread in it despite my trying to trick myself into thinking that I am really SEEING Jesus. I'm not. That's why I search for something with much more depth. That's why I search for SIGNS. That's why I search for WONDERS. That's why I search in apparitions hoping that something will shake me to my core and convert me to this intimate relationship like so many others have stated. Doing things like the rosaries or novenas or Sacred Heart this or Immaculate Heart that or all the little prayer ejaculations just seem so superficial to me. Just seems so cold and ritualistic. Nothing that can bring about an intimate relationship with God. Anyway, that's my monthly vent.
Jimmy, keep up with the way you are praying, but try this... When you next go to The Blessed Sacrament, just share with Him about your day, things that bother you etc. This may seem strange at first, but it is a beautiful intimate way of praying. You are entering into friendship with God. (Ok so some will laugh here, but I don't care) As I am blessing myself going into the Church I can see Him in the window before I enter and I say.. Hello Jesus or Hello God and cannot stop myself from giving Him a huge smile. I really hope this helps Jimmy. I shall keep this intention in my prayers.
We would be lost without you Mary's Child you are an inspiration on this forum your love of God really shines through
Thanks for your help MC. However, it's like trying to describe a beautiful sunset to a blind person. You are someone that sees (spiritually speaking) and trying to describe these spiritual things to someone that doesn't see doesn't work. After all these years now, it seems to me that it would only take an act of God now for me to see. I just hope that at that point of the ACT it isn't too late.
But, if you were having a drink with your friend and he said how's work, and it wasn't great at the moment, you would tell him yes? See that's just it. When I am with my friend, I SEE him. I can slap him on the back in laughter. I can look at him. I don't have to jump through hoops trying to trick myself into thinking he is there like with Jesus. Or, Jesus, every fibre in my body has died, it feels like I have lost my faith. My feelings/emotions/etc are crying out that you are not there. But.. I know that you are there. I know that you walked the earth and that you are truth, so regardless of what I feel. I believe you, and I know that you are right there in The Blessed Sacrament because you said you would be.. See, you are trying to trick yourself into believing He is there. I can try to pretend also but when I don't really believe it deep inside it's just empty. See, I don't want to have to pretend it's real. I just want it to be real which is what it seems you have.
No, I am not. I was completely broken at this time. This was akin to a dark night for me, brought about by much suffering. My daughter was also missing at this time. It was horrendous. A living hell.. That is why every fibre in my body was crying out I don't believe.. I was so desperate.. But in my mind, my heart, deep down, I did believe. It was me that was completely broken, not my faith. That was a hell of a time. I am so thankful that am ok now. I know that it is indeed Jesus with every fibre of my being. That was a really terrible trial..
i might as well tell you the rest. I was also having panic attacks when I prayed, because we had to move from where we were hated and persecuted as Catholics. All the fear that I had of people as a child and a teenager came flooding back to the point that even praying or looking at a photo of Jesus caused me to be in panic mode, all day long.. I was fighting against this, with whatever I had left. I was shaking inside all the time. The awful persecution was the reason why my 16 year old (autistic) ran away. I was praying and shaking and was in a terrible way, then I felt Our Blessed Mother deep in my heart, encouraging me to pray to new born Jesus for no one can be scared of a baby. This is what I did..
Sorry MC. I was relating how I feel when in your situation that you wrote of but I misunderstood. That is how I react but it didn't relate correctly to your situation. So erase the first sentence in my second paragraph above but the rest is how I feel.
No need to apologize Jimmy, I realized what it looked like when you said that. Just keep going, keep praying, this will pass I promise you, and you will realize that God is actually changing you. He is causing you to let go of the childhood of your faith and to mature in Him. This is a tough battle, but one which I have no doubt that you do. Your faith will be rock solid in a way that you never realized was possible when you come through this. Hang in there.
Thanks Liz. Glad you have come through all that stronger than ever and with a faith stronger than ever.
I think that is why I don't fear anymore and don't worry about prophesies etc, (not saying don't believe) because I have had to come through so many battles in my life, then so many battles for my faith due to my experiences etc. .. that now I think.. ah is one more battle .. God has brought me through everything. Yes there have been many times when I have been on my hands and knees. But He has brought me through and I have great hope and trust in Him. Anything else that comes my way (not saying will like it ) I will get through with Him, and the aid of prayer. Prayer is the secret. Carry on regardless.
Maybe this is why you SEE Him so clearly. You have this palpable relationship of His love. Being the ungrateful bonehead that I am, I just don't get it. Pains me to say it but I just don't have this palpable sense of His love. I am just blind to it. I can read about it but it just doesn't sink in.
