Dear Sanctus, I spoke to God at adoration and asked Him to please help you. Jesus, I trust in You+++ Prayers were offered for all of you! ( I was running late for my time slot today but saw that there were plenty of new folks attending adoration. A friend told me she no longer has to schedule us for adoration because so many now come on their own! Praise Jesus! )
HH is right Sanctus. Feelings are so easily manipulated. Hold on to the facts. God loves you. His Son died for you. Mary is your Mother. Facts! Throw these at the devil when those feelings threaten.
Prayers. I so wish I could do more. But praying anyway. You have my deepest sympathy. I believe the Good Lord allowed me to feel a little of your trial the other night to show me. It is very,very hard. My heart goes out to you. The Spiritual Life can be such a mystery. Prayer is often all we have to offer, but it is a wonderful, 'Only'. To , 'Walk in another man's shoes'.
This reminds of when I was converted. My Spiritual Director told me He was surprised I was so led back concerned the Anger of God in my Direction for all the really wicked things I had done. I quoted him Isiah, Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.' I told him that I believed that when God in the Sacrament of Confession told me He forgave me that He really did so. I think when you really and truly are a very,very Great Sinner and committed very many truly Evil Actions ( and I do mean evil) you are left with nowhere to go. You are left with no one to turn to but God. Your hands are truly, truly empty and always will be. You simply have to trust in God's promises as regards Forgiveness. There was a story I read about a Mystic nun/saint one time who turned to the Lord and asked forgiveness for some sins. The Lord told her He did not remember her sins. Then she recalled that she had confessed these sins in the Sacrament and that God had blotted out even their memory. We as humans talk of forgiveness and yet we never forget. God not only forgives , He also forgets. This is truly wonderful. Jesus I Trust in you.
In the same way that we can only make wine through crushing the grapes , God can only draw souls to Himself by allowing them to be crushed by repeated failure. For, if we succeeded by own power and strength we would become God to ourselves.
I stopped in our Adoration Chapel after First Saturday Mass and Fatima devotions this morning and prayed for you Sanctus, and all our forum members and lurkers, especially those asking for our prayers.
Thanks for the prayers everyone. Praying to God at the moment to help me to figure out my vocation and calling.