Thanks Dawn, there is not a lease, no, because he came to me saying he was going to be bankrupt if he did not leave his rental accomodation (that much was true) and I said to him that he could stay at my house as my boarder if he was willing to have certain conditions imposed on him. I sent him an email with the conditions enumerated and he posted the email on his facebook page, in order to portray himslef as a victim and to turn all of his "friends" against me. His Facebook friends did not know the truth about his reduced circumstances, they just thought I was being a cow to him, as we say here in NZ. I told him that if he did not abide by my house rules, he would be removed to my garage. The garage is not liveable but it could be converted in to a studio. That is what I think is the solution. I dont want to completely turn him out on the street because he has been an alcoholic for 40 years now and he is not a young man any more, he is at that point where his life is in ruins and in fact he is a suicide risk. But hes still playing his games of deception.
Prayers for you both....so sorry that both of you have to worry about having shelter, a basic need of life. Dear Lord, please answer their prayers! Give them shelter....better than what they had. I wish I could give it to you. But I can pray....
It was just an option that occurred to me, Muzhik, because I thought that living rent-free for a while might give you some breathing space to gather up a deposit. Of course, you would have to find somewhere to store your furniture and belongings but storage costs shouldn't be nearly as expensive as renting property. Looking at the advertisements, some people looking for house-sitters do so because they are going abroad for long periods and want someone to care for their animals. Although I'm not much of an animal lover, it seems reasonable to me that an owner looking for someone to care for his cats wouldn't object to you bringing your cats with you. (Sorry if that displays my ignorance.......I've been known to use some not very Christian language about a neighbour's cats who would use my garden as a toilet and that's the limit of my knowledge of animals). Anyway, you know what's right for your situation, and it's best to be near family so it further limits your chances of finding a suitable opening. I lit candles for you and Lumena before Mass today and will continue to keep you both in my prayers.
Thank you, that means alot to me that people are praying for me becuase for some reason I cannot pray, myself. I feel too anxious, I think.
Lumena, are you telling us that you own the house, agreed to let the man stay in your house under certain conditions, that he violated the conditions and that you had to move out of your home because his presence made living there unbearable for you?
Yes, I was gone even before he moved in. I found out he had posted the rules on Facebook before he moved in. At that point I stopped speaking to him. Yes, it sounds strange, I realise that. Another way of putting it is that he is a Sociopath and I am his target. I am am empathic person, I am a "soft touch". He knows he can manipulate me . I know he could end up as a hobo, outside a supermarket, begging passers -by for money so he can buy alcohol. You know the ones I mean? The ones with grubby coats and matted hair who are homeless addicts who sleep in parks? I imagine that would have been his fate and still could be, because no matter how good I might be to him, he has a kind of conduct disorder that causes him to work out how to break rules and run accross boundaries and destroy lives. I do not know what happened to him as he was growing up, but whatever it was, it has resulted in a really sad , bad, mad character. Theres one in every family, a person who does not function properly or do their duty according to their state in life and causes suffering to others. The mystery of iniquity...
It sounds like that man needs psychiatric help. And it sounds like you need help dealing with him because what you are describing is a toxic situation that is unlikely to improve as long as he can take advantage of you. Is there anyone close to you such as a trusted relative whom you could talk to about it? Perhaps you should get some legal advice for starters. And maybe have a chat with someone from Alcoholics Anonymous or one of those groups who help people whose lives have been impacted by someone with an addiction. They should be able to figure out whether you are actually enabling rather than giving him the help he really needs. I will continue to include you in my prayers but meanwhile I urge you to get some help asap. You are not responsible for where he ends up. Christian charity doesn't require you to render yourself homeless.
Thank you , yes you are so right. He needs help of a psychiatric nature. I am studying to be a Nurse at the moment and the paper we are working on is Mental Health. It is helping me to understand what needs to happen and also why it hasnt happened. You see, our Government has been defunding our Mental Health services in this country, (NZ) systematically and continuously cutting the budget for Mental Health and Addictions. This makes it so hard to access the help needed. My friend is under the care of a GP and that always astounds me because he needs SPECIALIST Psychiatric care. The GP does not have the time or the inclination or the expertise and has incompletely diagnosed him with Major Depression and Anxiety. But in fact he shows symptoms of Bi Polar Disorder (or could it be Borderline Personality Disorder? or BOTH? ) and Anti Social Personality Disorder and Narcissitic Personality Disorder. And finally of Marciavellianism. Thats why I say he has the Dark Triad Traits. His IQ is waaaaayyyy up there, which is scary, not his fault of course but it causes him to have delusions of Grandeur, because he thinks he KNOWS he is a cut above the rest of us and he can outsmart just about anyone. Add to this the 40 year addiction to alcohol and the lack of impulse control and the lack of empathy and the sense of entitlement and the suicidal ideation (at times) and it is an unholy mess!
Tha day before he moved, He told me he had a severe toothache. I was so angry with him, I did not want to help him. But the next day, it was worse and it sounded like an abcess to me. As he has lost his license for Drunk Driving, he cannot get himself from home to a Dental Surgery, so I relented and took him to the emergency dentist that night and his tooth, which had abcessed, was extracted. Then I tried to make sure he had some soft food such as soups, to eat - and I checked on him, took his vital signs, gave him advice, etc. I could have refused to help him, but no one else was going to do it. Now, I realise he is leaning on me and being ungrateful and so forth but how could I leave someone suffering with an abcess or trying to recover from an extraction of a molar tooth? No matter how pathetic people may be, they still have needs that sometimes only Christian Charity can meet. You are right that I should not have had to leave my home, but I mistakenly thought he had hit rock bottom, when he told me he was about to be declared bankrupt. I mistakenly thought he was ready to humble himself in the sight of the Lord. It soon became glaringly apparent that I was oh so wrong!
You are a soft touch. If his toothache was that bad he would have found a way to get to the dentist. You don't know whether he is taking his GP's advice. He could have refused to see a psychiatrist or an addiction specialist. He's too smart for his own good, otherwise he would get the help he needs rather than abusing your kindness. It's not the Government's fault; not the GP's fault; and certainly not your fault. Get advice from an experienced professional. And don't tell him your travel plans.
I know you did the right thing to help him with his tooth. I definitely know that. I am going to pray that the way out of this mess you are in will be shown to you, and the doors for you to walk through will be opened by Jesus and Mary. God bless you, Lumena.
Lumena, your kindness is wonderful, but tell us you haven't given him any money. He's using you. There's a book called 'Love must be Tough'; I haven't read it but I've heard it's a good Christian read about coping with bad behaviour of those close to you. Giving in to them can reinforce the bad attitude. In the end he is responsible for the way he acts, not you.
I dont give him money, no. He has a a 40 year long addiction to alcohol and alcohol in my country, NZ,it is not cheap - its a luxury item. So I avoid him as I do not want him to think that I am going to run to the store for him. I do not want to get caught up in that cycle. Thank you for prayers, it means a lot to me! I have a housesit that I am at now which is very peaceful. It is of less than a weeks duration but it is a true blessing, nonetheless. I would like something a bit more stable. There is a family near me who need someone to live with their elderly mother. She has a big house and the live in person just needs to stay each night and would get the top floor of the house to themselves for their own use. It is a peaceful place, not far from my own house, and the trade would be free accomodation in return for being there each night. I would really appreciate prayers that if it is the Lord' s will, I am able to go there.I have worked there before and it is a good and safe and peaceful place.
Lumena, I will keep you and Muzhik in my prayers. There is a priest who has a ministry of preaching a spiritual 12 step program. He uses the Alcoholic's Anonymous program and teaches the virtues that one must grow in to conquer addiction of any kind. He always mentions the seven deadly sins. His name is Father Emmerich Vogt, OP., (http://www.12-step-review.org/about/) He does retreats for Mother Teresa's nuns and just completed the annual retreat for the priests of EWTN. He would be extremely helpful in dealing with the issues that you have been encountering. What I love about him is a sense of humor that is equal to his holiness. He said he had to develop humor to cope with an alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother. My parish in Oregon was blessed to have him as priest and then pastor for many years but we knew he was too wonderful to keep to ourselves. Here is one of his conferences that is several years old.
