I had a vile attack about a month ago and the last thing the devil wanted was for me to reach out for help. After a week of abuse I finally did reach out and Kathy K talked me down from the ledge (God bless her!) At the time, I didn't know if I wanted someone to smack me, coddle me, or yell at me but I knew I needed something. Well, she didn't smack or yell at me and instead coddled me and it was exactly what I needed. You, John, don't seem the coddling type sooooo.... GET YOUR ASS BACK ON THE SHIP MAN AND GET BELOW IN THE CABIN!! YOU'RE WOUNDED AND NEED A MEDIC STAT!!
John, these are really tough times you are going through. I admire your honesty for recognizing and expressing this emptiness you are going through. I think maybe that is the beginning of healing. Please know I will be praying for you, brother and asking God to reveal Himself to you and to heal you. Peace.
I've felt the same way you feel now, and not so long ago. I used to ask Jesus to please show me the way, my mission. I was getting nothing just a horrible feeling that I was not worth it, that I was probably condemned, and that perhaps, that was the reason I wasn't feeling his presence anymore,praying was really painful, meaning that I din't feel like praying at all. I confessed it and the priest advised me that for a few days instead of praying the rosary or any other prayer, to just talk to Jesus like a friend. One day I was just doing that, I told him that I was sorry for not saying yes to him, for asking for signs when I was supposed to be a sign of love in this decaying world, there is so much to do and we have so little time , at the end of my life,I really don't want to look back and see that my job was not completed because I simply did not say yes I am here. I said,If I don't feel you now I don't care because I know you are near me and you love me, you love each and one of us, we can not comprehend the extent of your love and mercy. While talking to Jesus I felt his sadness and loneliness when a soul is not listening to him, when a soul is ignoring him. Do I prefer to feel his presence and comfort at all times or feel the way he feels when a soul does not love him? Think about it for a minute, how many people are dying at this moment? how many of them are dammed for ever? how many are suffering at this instant? how many abortions, how many people are being murdered? and we are here asking God for a sign , so that we can gain some strength and comfort, I realized that I was being selfish, our strength should be the seal to safe souls, our comfort should be that we are not causing additional pain to him. This world is falling apart , it seems as if evil has taken total control of it, we must enter this battle even though we dont think we are capable or strong enough spiritually speaking, we fall ,we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off as many times as we fall. To be honest rosary is still kind of hard to pray,no time is not an excuse. This is the ultimate weapon I know it , I will pray it for you, for all the souls that are feeling oppressed or abandoned and for me, as I am still working on my weak will.
Sorry to hear of your great trial John. It cant last forever. Some great advice from the others. Will pray Rosary for you. Jacinta Marto... too, shortly before her death remarked: "If men only knew what eternity is, how they would make all possible efforts...
Excellent point, Patty. At times after I've been through a trial of dark feelings it comes to me in prayer that Jesus has shared with me what he receives from distant souls. Regarding your weak will - that's just what He wants - give Him that weak will and ask for His. It's the best exchange we could ever make!
Mistake number #1 God has mission for me or God WANTS me to do something. As we grow spiritually, we immediately believe God has a special plan for us. Like God is preparing us for a special mission. That is where we fail. In the first place God doesn't want and if someone believes they think they know what God wants for there life...they are sadly mistaken. If God wants to use us for a special mission, He will be very direct, our mistake is that we think God wants to use us for something out of the ordinary. A true saint (each and every one of us) is called to purify our own soul. Once it is cleaned (not spotless but clean) from the inside, we begin to witness on the outside. I hate to use new age words but our aura or glow begins to radiate. A simple smile or a interchange of informalities can convert souls that surround us. Its the simple interaction with others that begins the transformation of souls. If we continue growing spiritually then our aura or glow expands and our direct interactions with souls becomes greater. As we continue to grow spiritually...our spiritual circle continues to expand exponentially. This is why everyday saints are so important to Gods plan. Our mission is first the interior but once that is in place, it begins to effect our exterior. That is Gods plan. May Gods Will be Done
I find it so touching read these posts. I have known many of the people posting here for quite a few years now and actually remember them posting about the events they write about in the past and praying for them at the time. It makes their writing so real to me. It is like family. I am also touched by the great wisdom here. Wisdom and experience.
I am reading Ralph Martin's the fulfillment of all desire.....I am on the chapter about Dark Night of the Soul....this is such a profound experience in the spiritual life great saints have written specifically about it....St Bernard, St Francis, St Theresa of Avila and most notably St John of the Cross....the saints break it down into 3 categories: the final category is God wanting to bring us to a higher level of spiritual maturity....and that is what we all know mostly.... the other 2 reasons are: we have too much and are distracted by the material in life we have too little and are distracted by the crisis in our life there is no way around it but to deepen the prayer life, get to confession and most saints recommend complete contemplation on the Passion.....that our sufferings are nothing compared to Christ's on Calvary......even the stations of the cross, the sorrowful mysteries, the divine mercy chaplet with contemplation on the passion.... You can do this....it's tough but you are not alone because the saints tells us so!
So many fruitful, wonderful, overwhelming and uplifting replies thank you, each and every one has made very valid points and some have been outstandingly correct, I will take this time to reflect at myself and what I have been doing, after all it would be very easy to blame the evil one for an attack but for me that feels like a cop- out, it may well tempt and attack but the final decision rests with me, that’s why God gave me free will, To choose which path to take, when I stand before my God on judgement day the evil one will not answer for what I did in my life it will just accuse, I will have to explain why what and where... All of the replies do point in one singular direction Start again, repent and get strong. I will start with the scripture below and ponder on it until I feel strong. Thanks Again. Psalm 91 1 You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, 2 will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.” 3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; 4 he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. 5 You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day, 6 or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destruction that wastes at noonday. 7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. 8 You will only look with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. 9 Because you have made the Lord your refuge, the Most High your dwelling place, 10 no evil shall befall you, no scourge come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. 12 On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread on the lion and the adder, the young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot. 14 Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. 15 When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. 16 With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.
I have been following this thread and there is some very good advice here. I went through a similar trial and conflict some years back. Luckily I was signed up to adoration at my local church. All the others who signed up for the same hour had dropped out so I was on my own and if I didnt turn up the Lord would have been abandoned. So I turned up every week and had a fight with him and then one day I heard his voice in my heart correcting me and setting me straight in a most loving way. That was it I found my feet again. I think adoration saved my faith in a very difficult trial. Praise God. It will be the same for you you will be much stronger as a result of this. If you cant face confession, the rosary, or the sacraments then go sit with the Lord and tell him how you feel. Have it out . He wants your honesty. Mary
I too have been following this thread as I recently went through the same situation. John, faith will bring a new tomorrow. There are far too many signs and wonders to doubt- look at the priests from Hiroshema spared... This is a test, push through it. I don't make predictions or prophecies but one thing I can promise... change and things will change tomorrow and the next day and the day after that.
Yes, this is a very similar situation to me. I only continued adoration because I was the only person signed up to adore that hour. If that had not been the case, I probably would have stopped adoring too. That would have been the biggest mistake of my life and a complete act of the will.
I went through a very dark time for November and start of Advent. I felt so distant and ashamed. I couldn't pray, I didn't want to go to church, I felt so lost. In my darkest moment, I reached out privately to a few of the family here and this lowest point reaching out to family brought me back. I want to share the wonderful words Kathy K. gave to me then and maybe they will ring true for you as well. You are in my prayers and I feel reaching out to your family in Christ is your first step back and proof of the bottom of your current trial: Dear Andy; Jesus told St. Faustina that the greatest sinners have the greatest right to His mercy. The enemy is the accuser. If he can convince you that you are so bad you can't approach the Sacraments, He has won a battle! But the battle is not the war. When I can't pray, I just hold my rosary, holding onto all the prayers that have ever been prayed on those beads. And I tell the blessed Mother that by holding the rosary I am holding her hand. The Blessed Mother is "terrible as an army in battle array" against the enemy of our souls. Hide under her mantle, and she will defend you, protect you, and intercede for you. Offer Jesus your will, that leads you to sin, and ask for His will in return. As terrible as this trial is for you, think of it as boot camp. I think our time of testing is over - this is a time of training. when you get to the other side of this, you will be much more experienced and have greater spiritual intelligence. In the brutal heat of what's to come, you will instinctively close every door when the enemy comes knocking, and you won't fall for his accusations. One sure fruit of this present battle you are in - you will have absolute proof that you can do nothing on your own, but you can do all things in Christ who lives in you.
You are enduring what Christ endured in his 40 days - temptations against faith. Also you share in the loneliness and desolation of Christ's desert experience. You have indeed been blessed to experience what Christ experienced. It will not seem like a blessing today but one day you will get over this and be able to look back and see it as a purification. You must continue to love Christ even though he seems to have abandoned you - it is a test of love - just try to pray, adore and honour God as best you can in this trial for that is what it is ---- all seems bitter and gall --- but you will get through it. God Bless - I am praying for you.
God Bless you Mary I will certainly do this soon, its been so long since I sat in adoration I had forgotten how special it was too me, I have experienced God's grace before so many times in adoration to the point that it felt as if electric was flowing through me it was very very real and not imagination,how stupid am I to forget but more to the point how stupid was I to take it for granted was I really that blind and ignorant ?? Today I had the very rare opportunity to be in the house all alone the quietness was unnerving at times but a chance to really say God what is wrong with me, Spiritual depression crossed my mind because I had witnessed real depression in other people and especially people very close to me, I asked Jesus is it possible that my soul is depressed and if so please cure it..I also realised this battle that is going on is not just about me, I have others to think off, I glanced at my sons letter from school last night which detailed his upcoming first confession I was struck hard, my own selfishness is affecting others, I am letting them down where is the big father figure now, leading the way and pointing the right direction to my little lambs, what have I become,were is their leading example of going to mass and praying why do they deserve to suffer this depression and lack of faith too ..That lead me to run about the house from room to room sprinkling holy water and screaming what ever you are get out, in Jesus name get out you are not welcome, after I had calmed down I looked up spiritual depression and how to cure it, all of you have been right in your answers two things struck out at me whilst searching. I have attached them below. Thank you friends keep praying I have a long way to go. psalm 42:5 View attachment 2627 Prayer To St. Jude For The Depressed St. Jude, friend to those in need, I am weary from grief and anxiety. I am often without joy, without hope, struggling through the dark night of the soul. I turn to you in prayer. Take away this emptiness and the pain of my broken heart. In your compassion, wipe away my tears and carry me to a place of peace. Too long have I been blind to the goodness of God’s world. Help me to take my life one day at a time, one moment at a time, and to be aware of God’s love for me always. Heal me. I yearn to feel, to bathe in light and joy. Envelop me in brightness, and do not hold back. And I promise, if you should see me fit to receive these gifts, I will share them always. Amen.
John go to adoration yes!!! but I think everything you need will be accomplished with a good confession and if at all possible a mass and communion immediately after. What struck you hard last night was the letter of the first confession for your child. This screams out huge to me that in a way you need to get to your own first confession again. I always find so much relief after confession. I feel the angst and darkness around in my own life right now because I need to find the time to get into the confessional too. It has been about 6 weeks and I don't like to wait that long when there is a great spiritual battle going on all in front of us. The sacraments strengthen us and the longer we stay away from these most perfect gifts left for us, the worse the potential to fall further into despair and darkness. Get to Jesus post haste! Where is he always present? the confessional, the tabernacle or monstrance and the closest we can ever come...communion. In the meantime, say this prayer often for at least a spiritual communion, and Jesus will always come when invited into your heart: My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament. I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul. Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.
John be gentle with yourself. God loves you beyond all telling and knows your struggle. Don't listen to the lies of the accuser. I am also praying for you. Everyone gets tested. Sometimes it seems beyond our strength but help is always at hand. God love you and keep you in His Sacred Heart.
