Discussion in 'Coffee House' started by Border collie, Jul 7, 2016.
Not exactly funny, but related to the "I saw it on TV" post above:
Currently out of stock at Amazon
Can't remember if this has been posted already, so here goes:
THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH
A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow, eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I’m going to do something.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there’s supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, ‘Did you eat?’
You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
Y’all is singular. All Y’all is plural.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr (first name)
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is…
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
Sounds a little bit like Australia.
Our roads are the habitat of many a flat possum or wallaby
Snakes and spiders are known to bite ya and the native fauna will stick ya,
We also like tea and many a parent introduce it to their weaning infants.
And many carry jumper cables in their car for their OWN car.
We don't however do the fixinto; we do the obvious, and say I'll get aroundtoit
We have dinner (middle of the day) and then tea (as the evening meal) the reason for the this tea name is mainly because we love the tea drink so much
And we actual have six spices!, salt, pepper, mustard, currie, tomato sauce and mayonnaise.
I suppose Australia is so far south, that we sort of qualify for your above evaluation Muzhik, heck, we're even known, as the down under!
SO FUNNY Josephite! I loved it.
I love this. I have actually lived through most of this.
Six spices - no Vegemite ?
This is GREAT!!! Actually most of them could be "Living in Maine"-- not Y'all. But Au-yuh.
Jumper cables. WD40 oil and duct tape--bungy cords too in every pick up. . Opening of Deer season is definitely a national holiday!
Tea is pretty standard but hot and not sweetened!
Dinner is lunch and supper is dinner.
We "git 'er done" by "puttin' the boots to 'er" and a common question "you gittn' done?" Usually refers to retiring but can be losing a job or quitting.
Anything sweet or delightful: "ain't that cunnin'--meaning cunning. Old English roots showing.
Instead of honey child or sugar you would use. "De-uh" as in "yes de-ah" . Beer also has 2 syllables as in "bee-uh."
Lots of things up here bite or stick but no lethal snakes.
Newspapers are very big on local news too.
Spices are like the South bad add in coffee brandy.
Lots of other comparisons. Rural culture basically.
Oh vegemite is a staple, like toast, lamb, tea and potatoes
While SARS-CoV2 is apparently the smartest virus we’ve ever encountered, there’s still ways we can outsmart it:
I’ve had five strokes. What’s your excuse?!
Separate names with a comma.