Daughter Dating a Divorced Man.

Discussion in 'Coffee House' started by ellen, Jun 17, 2021.

  1. ellen

    ellen Ellen

    Once again I come to you... my solid Catholic friends.... for advice about a matter that I am unsure as to how to handle.
    My never married,40 ish daughter has met, and is now dating, a previously married and divorced man.
    She does not practice her Catholic faith and has no reservations about having a relationship with him.
    She is aware that my position on marriage,divorce and remarriage etc. is the same as the Church's on such relationships...that being...not acceptable and... I DON'T approve!

    We have a very close relationship otherwise,but now this "affair" has enter into the scheme of things. Everyone else in the family has met hm and "loves" him. I will be meeting him sooner or later and I don't know how to handle it all??
    Thought some y'all might have been presented with such a circumstance and Id like to know how you dealt with the "300 lb gorilla" sitting in your living room!!
    Beth B likes this.
  2. AED

    AED Powers

    Its a heart break Ellen. I can imagine how distressed you are. I don't know how good my advice to you will be but I would calmly tell her "you know where I stand on these issues. But I also know you and I are not on the same page where faith is concerned. I will always love you and I will continue to pray for your true happiness." I guess I would keep it simple and straightforward. She knows where you stand. You can't condone this but she knows you love her and you will continue to love her and pray for her. I am not sure taking a hard line is helpful. Think of the prodigal son. The father with great sadness let him go his way but he never berated him. I have taken the hard line in the past but now they are very much adults and exercising free will and I just try to love them and pray for them but I don't say much. I talk to God about them.
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  3. Denise P

    Denise P Archangels

    Hi Ellen,

    When I was 32 I married a divorced man with 3 children. He grew up Catholic, joined the marines as a pilot, and got a young girl pregnant at age 22. They were married by a Justice of the Peace. After 3 kids and a vasectomy she left him because she wanted him to quit his job as a pilot and to be a coal miner like her father. He refused. He saw and supported those kids to the best of his ability. After he had been divorced 15 years we dated then were married in the Catholic Church. He had his vasectomy reversed and we have been married 33 years with 2 children. I’m sure my mom thought it was the end of the world whenI married him. But if you asked her now I am sure she would say he was the best thing that happened to me. So, I don’t know all of your circumstances but I just wanted you to know my story. Now, I am the mother of a “woke” daughter who is marrying a young man, and neither of them have any religious belief system even though we raised her to the best of our abilities in the Catholic Faith. I am beside myself having to watch her marry without the benefits of the sacrament of matrimony. Not a day goes by that I don’t pray that they return to their faith. But I will stand by them and hope that one day I live to see them back in the Church. It’s hard to watch but I am walking in faith.
  4. ellen

    ellen Ellen

    Thanks AED.... Im thinkng along those same lines.
  5. ellen

    ellen Ellen

    Denise.... Thank you for sharing your experiences.
    I understand that in the end we have to put it all in Gods hands and then PRAY....PRAY....PRAY!!
  6. BrianK

    BrianK Guest

    This is hard.

    What is your - or anyone else’s - opinion of the modern liberalized annulment process?

    For the sake of argument (not that it’s going to happen) what if he obtained an annulment under Pope Francis streamlined (i.e., liberalized) annulment process?
    Carol55 likes this.
  7. HeavenlyHosts

    HeavenlyHosts Powers

    Local tribunals (diocesan) handle the annulments in most cases, I understand. The conditions under which an annulment may be obtained have not changed. There are only a few conditions. You can look online for the conditions (criteria which must be met) or you can contact the Archdiocese and have information sent out. I have no idea what you mean by streamlined. It takes months for priests to read through the biographies of the couple and decide. When I went through the process, it took about a year. More than one priest worked on my case. I vaguely remember that when a decision was reached, it was sent to another tribunal to see if that tribunal concurred. It's pretty thorough. I think it's a prayerful process. The marriages of many people do not meet the criteria. Also, it is possible to be granted an annulment if only one of the couple files the papers. IOW, the other party does not need to respond. Mine did not.
    Keep in mind, if a Catholic is married outside of the Church and then divorces, and then dates your daughter, it is an easy matter to have that first marriage dissolved, since it was not a sacramental marriage. No tribunal needed.
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2021
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  8. BrianK

    BrianK Guest

    Thanks HH. This is something I’m personally struggling with colossally right now. I appreciate your forthrightness.
  9. xynn

    xynn New Member

    Hi Ellen,
    This was the advice given by an orthodox saint to his spiritual child having issues w/ children: "Zip mouth, let the knees do the talking." Likewise prayer advise is "Mother Mary, I failed as a parent, only you can take care of my kids."
    josephite, Michael Pio, maryn and 2 others like this.
  10. "Quis ut Deus"

    "Quis ut Deus" Powers Staff Member

    Agh Children :rolleyes:

    One thing I have learned very quickly is to regularly say my daily prayer of hope..

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    Living one day at a time;
    enjoying one moment at a time;
    accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
  11. Beth B

    Beth B Beth Marie

    Very good advice AED…I think that not berating, but being honest is all we can do. They know…..
    Continue to show love, otherwise they will use emotions rather than logic to disavow anything you say. Not to show them love almost allows them or excuses them from letting anything you might say enter their heart. It would allow them to rationalize their wrong decision if they can be angry with you as opposed to what you’re saying.
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2021
  12. HeavenlyHosts

    HeavenlyHosts Powers

  13. ellen

    ellen Ellen

    Thank You HH
    Solid advice from someone whose been there ...done that.
    Sam, josephite, AED and 2 others like this.
  14. ellen

    ellen Ellen

    Sounds GOOD to me!!! Will do!!!
    Thanks xvnn!! :)
  15. DesertStar7

    DesertStar7 To Jesus + through Mary @-}---

  16. Michael Pio

    Michael Pio Archangels

    I will keep this situation in my Rosary, I keep all MOG members and especially their family members in my Rosaries. I don't have words, never have good words when I read things like this. All I can say is, my family overseas are in a similar camp. Worldly thinking, God hardly has a place in daily considerations.
    Perhaps point out the sun miracle of Fatima of 13 OCT 1917 and the messages of Fatima, in particular the vision of 13 July 1917. Perhaps evidence will help. There is a body of evidence on the sun miracle. If your daughter is not interested in evidence, then prayers are our only hope.
    AED, Beth B, ellen and 2 others like this.
  17. josephite

    josephite Powers

    I like the quote........'God writes straight on crooked lines!'

    I believe most of us are dealing with some family members who are on crooked lines.
    But by loving them no matter where they are we are doing our part and we are allowing God to write straight on those crooked lines.

    This takes heroic virtue as we must be patient, and continue to love them, handing them over in prayer, with every prayer we pray!

    Trusting in God's Divine Understanding, Divine Mercy and Divine Love!

    Lord Jesus You Take over. Amen

    I am praying for your situation Ellen.
    AED, Beth B, Sam and 2 others like this.
  18. ellen

    ellen Ellen

    Thank you Michael.
    AED, Michael Pio and josephite like this.
  19. ellen

    ellen Ellen

    Thank you Josephite!
    AED, Michael Pio and josephite like this.
  20. padraig

    padraig Powers

    Prayers at mass, to St Anne De beaupre

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