Something big is about to happen

You certainly gave me an idea-- I must try to work on that also as we have to search out for a priest or make an appointment.

 

When I look at fear in my own life it is simply a lack of trust. I don't fear doing what is right if I know it to be the will of God. The thing I have feared and have received consolation in reflecting on it is the fear of leaving my family in the time of tribulation. Perhaps giving my life or imprisonment for living the faith. I don't know if I have any other fears at this point other than that. Then I am comforted by this.

• God gives no cross without the grace to overcome it.
• God only desires our FIAT and his grace is sufficient.
• God loves each of us infinitely more than any other person (including spouse and children).
• He loves our family infinitely more than I do. So what am I afraid of?

See, it all comes down to trust in the Lord. God knows how essential each of us are to our family and would never separate us from them unless it is His Divine Will. And if it is His Will, then we are we not to question God's wisdom? I have made plenty of assumptions in raising my 11 kids and God has humbled me more then once in putting my trust in ME and not in Him. After all, who of us knows more than God what is best for our soul and that of our families? If we become separated it is also His Will and he will take care of the details of my family.

So it comes down to this for me. I must listen to the best of my ability by the grace of God his voice. Doing His Will is not the hard part for me, knowing that it is His Will is the hardest. I do not have locutions, messages, apparitions as some have been given. As the good ol Baltimore Catechism teaches in class 101, "we were created to know, love and serve God". Yet we will not serve God if we do not love God and we cannot love God if we do not know God. Knowledge then of God's will is my fear. I don't mean knowing faith and morals, I mean knowing without hesitation His Divine Will in the moment. So it always comes back to trusting that God will, in no subtle way, peel the layers of my thick headedness to know His Will in the moment and then it is my simple yes. If I for a moment take my eyes off of Him and become more concerned about my family I will sink like Peter. This is the key. Keep your focus on the Will of God and not on the things of this world and God will take care of your family just as he is taking care of you.

 

Well, I did find a confessor today. A number of years ago I went through a divorce and obtained an annulment. I was heart broken. For years it felt like living with a death that happened every day. Its not quite so raw now. I had married late and the annulment was not because I wanted to marry someone else but only because I wanted to be free to marry if the opportunity arose. The idea of living alone for the rest of my life was too much for me at the time.
The Church would not consider the validity of the sacrament until a divorce was granted. I have never understood this. One the one hand the church does not recognize divorce but insists on it if validity of the sacrament is to be examined. It should be the other way around in my humble opinion. The sacrament should be given first and primary consideration. I never wanted to go through a divorce.
My doctor and his wife who are good friends helped me move into another house a few years ago, the first since my marriage break up. Much to their consternation, without warning I burst into tears. When they asked what was wrong I said I should have been moving in with my wife, not on my own. The house alone meant nothing to me. I am now grateful for it.
As time has gone on and I have reflected on my marriage I see for myself that our marriage contract was defective from the start. I don't need a tribunal to tell me that. For instance we never lived under the same roof and only saw each other at weekends, sometimes not even then. My ex-wife is a good soul with wonderful qualities and over the years I had always hoped we would have moved in together. She is now happily married to her university sweetheart and living with him in America. Although my petition for annulment succeeded and I agree that the verdict was correct, I was never entirely happy with the way my petition for annulment was handled or with some of the evidence submitted. Because of this I was never entirely sure of its validity. My wife actually accused me of lying to obtain it.
On advice I have now resubmitted the case to Rota. I am informed that they reverse 9 out of 10 decisions so I am at risk of losing my annulment. I have also engaged an expensive canon lawyer in Italy to look into it. I have been informed by both traditionalist and contemporary Catholics that I can rely 100% on their findings and this also allows me to reconsider and correct anything to which my ex objected. I prefer all this to living in doubt or living a lie.
I brought everything about this chapter in my life to confession today and the priest to whom I confessed also told me his story. He himself was from a third world country. He said I could relate his story to my overseas friends. (If anyone from here reads it please keep it to yourself.) During his time as a seminarian in New Zealand he had a disagreement with his bishop. As a result he was suspended for a while and had to watch his friends progress to sub-diaconate while he was left behind. This disagreement was on a point of canon law. A professor of canon law took up his case and he won. The bishop was shown to have been wrong and the student was re-instated. He was a priest for 22 years then left the priesthood and was married. He was married for 20 years during which he had a great job and big expensive cars. He was very happy. Then his wife died. Like me he was heart broken. He returned to the bishop and asked if he could be a priest again. The bishop immediately welcomed him with open arms and blessed him. The next day he said mass. As it happened a former bishop from here had been his classmate and when the priest became available he asked for him to be sent back here. He is truly a wonderful wee priest with much wisdom and experience. He also loves a beer so I left a box at the presbytery door for him. I will not relate his comments on my marriage but his expertise in canon law was very helpful.
So something big is about to happen to me but knowing the speed of Rota, probably not for a couple of years. I hope all will be in order by the time of the Great Miracle of Garabandal. Perhaps you could say a prayer that I will not suffer undue delay of process and that meantime I remain patient and productive.

 

My parish offers regular Confession. Every Friday at 6pm to 7pm and every Saturday 3:30-4:30pm then Holy Mass at 5pm. I'm guessing the Saturday schedule is about the same in some states here in the U.S. around 3 or 4 in the afternoon.

 

Dom Marmion was of course a Bendictine monk. He wrote many books which were based on religious retreats he gave. They are not like other books in that they are very,very deep and rich. I used them for Lectio Divina, which means you read a paragraph or two then take it away for meditation.

It is amazing how God could make one man so wise.

 

Yes, Fatima, I rarely miss my daily rosary and Mass readings and I have an arsenal of sacramentals--and use them frequently.
I also trust my God,
It is me I do not.
I'm so soft and weak--heck, I freak out if I cant wash my hair every day. Sometimes I think, "oh, it'll be ok, I'm resourceful". I even spent several hours reading about how to cook bugs if it came to that (there are even bug cookbooks on amazon if you can believe it). But there is a huge chasm between the clean and tidy me sitting in my climate controlled room typing on a computer and a desperate me trying to fry crickets to keep my family alive; between the me who helps my son get ready for school in the morning and the me who might have to sacrifice him for our faith. I pray that God will give me the graces to cross the chasm for I know I would not be able to do it on my own. Fortunately I believe He knows this about me and will take all into account when I am before Him.
God bless!
pcj

 

Joe, thanks for this testimony. My wife abandoned me a few years ago. I don't think anyone can understand the pain of this unless you've gone through it. I certainly didn't. It must be very different for someone who can just say "It's just a divorce, I'll just get remarried". When you truly believe of it as an unbreakable sacrament it is devastating. I had a breakdown over it.

I never sought an annulment because I felt they were handed out like candy after the changes made in the late 60's. At the time I looked into it but never once came across ROTA. I will have to look into it. Thanks for the info.

 

Ha, PCJ - I got a chuckle out of that first part of your post. Well, rest assured that you are most certainly not alone in feeling this way (says the man typing on his iPad in his pj's while sitting in his secluded backyard sipping coffee) but God knows each of us far, far better than we know ourselves and He loves us far more than we could ever imagine. As you say, we must trust.

I think the old truism that God does not give the grace one needs until one needs it applies here. One step at a time - the "next right step" one might say.

 

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I am convinced that all grace is given. It is whether we are properly disposing ourselves to receiving them. What do we mean by this? It is simply stated but much harder to do then we realize, because we are so use to doing things our way. This is what I meant when I said it is easier for me to do His Will when it is clearly understood, because my flesh always wants it my way. Bottom line, with an open heart, the grace is always there.

 

It's the wee small hours of Sunday morning and as usual I am awake. I have just read todays page of "She went in haste to the mountain" page 130 on the whatisgarabandal site Sat 20 june 2015. Its all about the importance of confession before communion.

 

It is so hard to find confession but I trust that God knows our hearts. I sob inside during the consecration and sob for my sins and my unworthiness to receive Him so Holy and pure. I beg him to give me His word knowing that I long for confession before receiving but never can find it. My only options are 9:30 during the work week where I have to duck out of work for a half hour, 11:30 during the week if I drive to a church in the city at lunch when I can get free or 3:30 pm on Saturday before mass but I am one who thinks we should go to weekly mass on Sunday and not Saturday afternoon. So I get there as soon as I can but in the meantime my heart breaks to receive him without going to confession. I was born in 1976 so never got to experience the church where confession was before mass. How wonderful that must be. I do try to go though on Wednesday's when I can because that is when they have adoration all day and it is wonderful to do penance before the Lord on the alter.

 

I still need to get there . It has been almost 2 months now. I must find the time next week. Lord please help me find the time!!

 

Beautiful. I believe this post demonstrates that your ear is perfectly tuned to what our Abba is calling forth from all of us.

 

I was not really afraid until I was reading this thread last night. Like ICoP, I have immediate issues that concern me and I really do not look out more than 1 month into the future. I hope that changes soon because I would like to plan more ahead.

Having said that, my conversion is for-most on my mind. I am worried I will not be ready and am not where I need to be spiritually right now. But I just have to keep working at it and be tuned in to God's will.

But, something big could happen at any day in any part of the world to really begin what is painfully obvious to be multiple prophecies playing out in front of our eyes. I open drudge every morning and expect to see some awful, awful event has just happened.

 

The only thing I am afraid of is if my family will convert in time. But, I must place this in God's hands.

 

That reminded me of a quote from Thomas Merton, " Divine strength is not usually given until we are fully aware of our weakness."
Perhaps that is why St Paul boasts of his weakness.

 

You may like this, Joe.

"The more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you... the one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all; it is his own existence which is the source of his pain."
–Thomas Merton

 

Than you SoT
Perhaps 'like' is not the word.....it is too relevant for that.

 

If you know where the priest lives just go up and knock the door and tell the priest that you need to go to Confession he will be more than happy to hear it there and then for you. My friend who lives in the country do's it all the time even when he comes to stay with me in the city he will go to Parish Priests house and ask for Confession before he goes home to the country.