My heart is heavy right now because my little brother has been trying to enter the priesthood and is experiencing setback after setback...mostly rejection based on a mistake he made in his past when he was only 18 and an atheist. He was married outside of the church very briefly, which was easily "annuled" later since he was never married in the Church. But in this climate of wanting to avoid scandal, the orders he so badly has wanted to join are too afraid that the past "wife" could stir up trouble one day in the future. This latest almost-rejection is very hard on him. The vocation director said he would ask someone higher than him about it, but that his prospects look bleak. Please pray to Mary and St. Joseph that God will work a miracle and either let him get accepted there or something else will pop up and give him hope. My brother is such a wonderful person and would make an amazing priest, if it is God's Will.
He is only 18, don't worry about it. Because of this, along with his previous behavior, looks like a hugely impulsive risk with no life experience. No order wants to invest in this. What he needs to do is go out and get some kind of career or education that can help him with having a vocation. From there he needs to be active in the Catholic community taking courses, going on retreats and so on. If he wants it bad enough he will be willing do these things. It doesn't even have to be anything super costly in terms of education. He could become a tradesmen, get a ticket under his belt which would pay his way for those courses. From there, he will look like a dedicated candidate instead of an impulsive kid. Sorry, I missread, how old is he now?
No, his brief marriage was when he was 18. He is almost 29 now. He's been discerning the priesthood for years, since his reversion to Catholicism. He was in the air force for 6 years and is now an air traffic controller.
I will pray. Fr Dan Reehill experienced a similar rejection trying to enter the priesthood. He was married divorced and annuled. The first vocation director literally ordered him out of his office. Many setbacks and frustrations. He tells his story on you tube. Maybe reach out to him? I dont know if its possible to reach him but its a thought.
Yes, sorry I misread. Does he currently have a career under his belt. It's weird they care so much after 11 years. Is he working with multiple orders or just one? Because he should be checking out more than one order. A lot of these orders make up excuses because they want their order to die out. Others have loads of applicants so they can be very selective..
Yes he was in the Air Force for 6 years and has been an air traffic controller for almost 5 years now. He's tried applying to two orders so far. He doesn't feel called to the diocesan priesthood (right now). It's just super discouraging to be told the same reason from both about why they won't accept him.
Can you point me to an article or video that talks about his initial rejection due to his marriage? I can't find that info in any of his bios I've read so far.
I wouldn't worry too much. Know that traditionally vocations director is typically relegated to brothers who are not always the most competent. The position isn't seen as something imperative, even though in this day and age it is. The fact your brother is an air traffic controller is a very positive indicator of who he is and his ability to succeed in a vocation. The fact that he was in the air force for 6 years is a good indicator of his ability to adapt to religious life. Unless he has some bad stuff on his criminal record, they are foolish to dismiss him. Personally, I would seek out every order under the sun. I also would be testing them for a fit, not whether or not I would be lucky enough to join them. OFM, Conventuals. Capuchins, Carmelites, Augustins, MIC and so on. He also is considered a normal vocation at the age of 29, if not slightly young. In reality a perfect age. Young enough to be formed, not so young as to have no life experience. I wouldn't be too down hearted, neither should your brother. I wouldn't even be applying with a resume. Forget the paper work for now, have him talk to the vocations directors and get a "come and see" weekend under his belt. Basically a weekend with the different orders to see how things are, if he feels it is a fit for him. Every order will appreciate he is checking out other orders too, instead of him appearing to look for a hand out vocation. Once he has a few of these under his belt, and he has made physical contact with the orders and vocation directors, he will have a better idea of what a vocation looks like. As well, those who accept applicants to do a postulancy will have a better impression of who your brother is.
No worries. I don't know if I made this clear to you, but I cannot stress enough that the ball is in your brothers court. Not that he needs to be arrogant about this or anything like that. Essentially he is looking to marry one of these orders. Once he takes final vows that's it, unless the Pope himself gives him dispensation. The selection process is incredibly important. So he needs to put in the effort, not applying to a couple orders and getting downhearted when they don't give him a chance. I think the Lord is telling your brother to take this more seriously, and of course he probably thinks he is, but doesn't have the correct understanding of how this all works. I sound harsh but I am being extremely charitable. Honestly, he needs to reach out more, and make this happen. While this is going on he IMO should start taking some university accredited courses that will help him with his education requirements in the future. If he wants to become a priest, it will mean he has to go to school for 5 years unless he has a degree already. In which case he will only need a year or two depending on what education he already has. Doing studies while meeting the demands of being a brother can be very difficult. He should start learning Spanish too, I am positive that will be a requirement for him in the future. A religious vocation is a lot of work and simply stating this doesn't do it justice. Mario, being a deacon, probably has a lot of advice and connections that could help your brother out too. I would reach out to him. Also, postulancy and novitiate is designed to knock out candidates who don't have genuine vocations. You have to be hungry, very hungry.
Thank you, I appreciate your advice. I will pass it on to my brother when he gets over his initial unhappiness. I've been thinking the same thing..he just needs to really go after it and not give up.
He has an extensive interview with Sean Ryan on his podcast. Im not good at tech stuff but I'll find the relevant you tube and give you as much info as I can. Stay tuned. Also has he tried the Companions of the Cross? Fr Mark Goring's order. Their founder Fr Bob Bedard was wonderful. They are a Canadian order but they reach around the world.check out their website. Edited to add--this order is more charismatic than traditional so probably not a good fit.
No worries, it's not like there is a book on this stuff. The church is incredibly horrible in making this information availible. Another couple things. He should be asking over the phone how the order is doing numbers wise. If they are down to a couple dozen people forget about it. How many postulants do you get each year? How many on average make their final vows? How are their finances, is everything balanced or are they bleeding money? Where does their money come from, does it come from guys working in teaching positions? Is everything already paid for? Stuff like this, religious are notorious for mismanaging and your brother doesn't need to take that on. Many new brothers are now managing old folks homes with a decrepit old church trying to make everything work. Also, before he goes to a come and see, he should read a book on the history of that particular order to get a sense of what they are. Does their spirituality line up with his? Some orders are more intellectual, others evangelical and such. They each have a different focus. Do they welcome all the lgbtq stuff with open arms, what percent in the order are gay? If they get offended by this say that if it is over 40% you don't have an interest in joining their order. He can definitely save himself a lot of time and investment in advance by asking this stuff. If he gets into a solid brotherhood with decent finances it will be a lot better. A few gays in the order isn't the end of the world either, but if they make a lot of noise about it it's not a good sign.
Okay. It's Matt Fradd ( pints with aquinas) episode 525 At the 49 minute mark he talks about his marriage etc. It's a long interview but a good one. I hope this helps.
He's definitely looking for a rigorous, growing, traditional-leaning order. He attends my FSSP parish and loves the clarity and passion for God rooted in tradition.
