Difficulty forgiving someone

There are some very interesting experiences from members on this thread, perhaps I could put in my tuppence worth..

Forgiveness can have many strands, similar to a rope and can have one bound for years until all the strands are dealt with and cut. In my own experience of dealing with anger and angry people, there is usually hurt underneath the anger. I believe when we ask in prayer to forgive we are given the grace to do so, but the reason we may not feel it is because of unresolved hurt. This in my experience, is the reason many people say they forgive but won't forget, the wound still hurts.

If I may suggest a method the Lord showed me many moons ago... to praise Him continuously for the offender, asking His blessing on them, and also to heal the hurt caused in oneself and for the grace to rise above the hurt and love them.

The healing and subsequent joy one will receive from this way is so powerful that one will almost wish to have been hurt again in order to again receive this grace of utter joy and love for the offender! It does take effort though and the fresher in one's mind the hurt is, the more open one will be to receive the healing. It may take a couple of days praying in this way to see results, in my own case it has taken at most two days. But looking back on my life it has been nearly 30 years since I have held onto any hurt for more than a day. I have be abused, betrayed, slandered, humiliated etc (like most people here) and in reliving any of these experiences, I struggle to remember the details and even when I do, I feel no pain, only peace.
Thanks be to God!

 

I realize part of my problem is again, negativity, I keep obsessing over all the stuff out there that is so opposed to one's relationship with God, that is set on destroying people's relationship with God, and I just so angry with everyone involved, even though the vast majority of it doesn't effect me. I know God desires everyone's Salvation, and I know God has already given me so much to help me with my Salvation, I need to focus on this more, my biggest obstacle to Holiness is my lack embracing all that God has provided me with.

 

Whoa, speaking with looking at the positive side of things I just came home and saw today's Vortex Video by Michael Voris:

I was glad to see this video, it really gave me hope, I've keep up, not obsessing over all the bad stuff.

Please keep praying that take my mind off the negative and keep focus on healing, I'm trying my best.

 

Oh man, I LOVE Saint Maria Goretti! She should also be the patron Saint of forgiveness, if she's not already. Pray to her! She will help you!

 

Thank you, for all this, I think I've figured something out hear, there have been times when I would fight back, and lash out at people I have been angry with, and that in turn leads these complex feelings of guilt. I know that only Jesus and Mary are truly sinless, and all of us have committed sin, but for me when, I look at this, even though I know that it isn't the case and things aren't this simple, I just get this feeling that, by having lashed out at these people that somehow they are in someway automatically absolved of the damage they have done, and that I end being more in wrong, maybe even deserved to have been hurt by them. And that in turn ultimately leads me to resent these people more and more.

I have guilt issues, I need help healing from this.

 

I just read the article on forgiveness, it opened my eyes to a lot of things, I'll be continuing my work on healing.

 

Everyone does. None of us can heal ourselves of anything. What is important is to put out of our minds what others have done and to look at only our own actions and their affects on those around us. When I do this I become conscious of my own failings and in turn become much more forgiving of others.
Consider the ocean of Mercy God has for us in meditation. None if us are truly deserving, not one. Yet, God loves us and wishes only for our good.
Another thing to consider is that adversity whether physical or spiritual builds character when we face it with fortitude. So, when we have these things which come up we know that we have some work to do.

 

"Why would a victim need to forgive himself? I have noticed a pattern: A victim always hates himself. The experience of suffering and abuse makes a victim encounter his own limits and ultimate powerlessness—his weakness—and that encounter can produce a hatred."

I think this is happening with me somewhere. I've been thinking about St. Maria Gorretti, she most definitely didn't hate herself after being attacked by Alessandro. Clearly it was because St. Maria Gorretti had Charity, she was totally focussed on God throughout the entire ordeal. Charity I need to, and have been working on for a very long time. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to work on making myself predisposed to this?

 

Say this prayer;

"Jesus, please help _______ to get to Heaven, and please help me to get to Heaven, too!"

 

That article on St Maria Gorretti is just incredible...

I was in bits reading it.
I learn so much through this forum, articles I would never come across,
Just wonderful.

God Bless,
Dave.

 

You have solved your own problem in that post. Now all you have to do is count your blessings.
Or concentrate on the half full glass life has given you not the half empty glass. Then surrender yourself entirely to Jesus, Who will be more than happy to top up your glass with Graces and Blessings to overflowing.

 

I love this post BC. It was just what I needed to read today.

Earlier today I was telling a priest that my sister has been unkind to me for much of my life and seems to only take joy in my misfortunes. This has been going on for so long. I feel like she is the hammer and I am the anvil. I keep forgiving her over and over for these various injuries, but currently don't desire a relationship with her, not out of hatred, but because I am still carrying so much hurt inside. I will try to do what you have suggested. Thank you!!

 

Thank you very much everyone, I have been re-arranging my prayer life to ask God more for the grace of charity and seems to be taking effect. One thing that has really helped is that I had ordered a Chotki to help me focus during adoration and meditation. The Chotki arrived yesterday, and today I put it to really good use in asking God for the gift of charity. Asking God to help me forgive myself for my past and embrace his Mercy and Forgiveness has also helped a lot.

 

First time I've known about a Chotki.

 

I will keep you in prayer also P4P.
This way of prayer works best if you can enter into the pain as much as you can, in so much that it almost consumes you and distracts you from everything else. In other words you have to really feel it, the wound is then opened fully to the Lord's healing power and He will work both for you and your sister. Keep praising and thanking Him for her and ask His blessing on her and also ask for the grace to rise above the hurt.

 

Powerful BC. Straight from the Holy Spirit. I was shown to make a list of the “oughts” against “any” as Jesus tells in the scriptures and then go through one by one and in the Name of Jesus to forgive them completely. Not paying attention to emotion but focusing on the will. And simply placing them and myself in His Sacred Heart. Very freeing to do this in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. Great graces abound. Gracia’s prayer is perfect. Ask for their happiness in this world and the next.

 

P4P you don’t need to expose yourself to her or the situation. You are obliged to forgive her 70 times 7 times as Jesus says but you are not obliged to enter an occasion of sin. Her toxic patterns are just that—toxic. We are advised to keep away from toxic people—by Fr Rippeger among others advises this.. Have Masses said for her or pray every day 3 Hail Marys but you do not have to be the anvil constantly if it is possible to avoid her.

 

You are so right! Thank you.