Sanctus, so many of our beautiful Saints and mystics suffered horribly on Fridays.. your sufferings may be linked to that. I really am starting to believe that. Calling St Padre Pio's shrine today. He is on my speed dial so I'm on it.. I will include everyone but will mention a few by name who are suffering. God bless.
I'm not quite sure why God is treating me the way he is lately. Have I done something terribly wrong ?I've been to confession and doing my best but going through difficult experiences. I feel a darkness over me sometimes. I've read alot of Saint Faustinas diary and understand that she went through terrible darkness and desolation. I pray the chaplet of divine mercy regularly. I don't know where these horrible convictions are coming from. God doesn't seem loving anymore. I know Saint faustina spoke about similar trials in her diary, when the soul feels rejected etc.
You are living raw faith without the comfort of emotions. That is a trial indeed. It calls upon immense strength of will. And remember its Lent. Things are always very bad in Lent. Its the cross undiluted. But the graces you are winning for souls and the consolation you are giving to the Sacred Heart are huge. He is permitting it. I dont know why. God is mysterious. Mother Teresa endured terrible darkness and desolation for years. She finally concluded he was literally sharing His crucifixion with her. My prayers for you continue.
It feels like God has abandoned me or that my past sins are too bad to be forgiven even though I have confessed everything. All I can say to God is "do with me as Thou wilt!" and abandon myself to Him.
I am so sorry you suffer like this Sanctus. You are in my prayers. It is all so mysterious, especially this dark night you are in. Know that your faith in this time is especially precious. I can't help but think of Jesus on the Cross when he felt abandoned, and that perhaps you are there with Him. Unified in some way. Hopefully the Resurrection comes soon.
