Hello everyone, I was wondering if you could offer a little advice. My uncle has passed away and his Catholic family is not having a funeral mass for him. They will be holding a funeral "service " at a non denomination chapel and the services are going to be led by a laicized priest. My uncle was originally raised in a non Catholic church but later converted to Catholicism. He has been in a nursing home for several years and has finally succumbed tom Alzheimer's disease. His wife is angry at the Church because they closed down her parish so this is her response and the adult kids have either falling away from the faith or have "drunk the kool-aid of the Francis-Leo Church" and do just what ever feels good. I'm heartbroken because my uncle was a very gentle and kind man and doesn't deserve to be treated this way, He may not have practiced his faith in the most perfect way, as I do not think he was catechized well. This laicized priest was very vocal about his disbelief in the rules of the Catholic church and was formally removed due to credible evidence of sexual abuse that to date he has not denied. I knew him very well and I do believe it to be true. He claims his alcoholism left him in a state so bad that he cannot say with certainty that this did not happen. My Aunt and Uncle and cousins befriended him prior to his removal because he was a big social advocate and would rant about the way the Church was being run and they saw merit in his wanting to help the needy. Anyways I am just beside myself, I just don't think I can attend this service as I feel it is very scandalous. Yet I am concerned I may cause problems with my relationships with my family if I don't go. I don't know if I need to say something or stay quiet and just pray for my uncle. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
This is a huge dilemma. If I were in your position I wouldn't go to the funeral, but make an appearance once it is over. This way you keep your fealty to Christ and wont hurt your conscience. I wouldn't bring up your thoughts regarding how scandalous you feel this is to your family as I think this will just create problems. Especially with Christmas around the corner. As well, they are still in mourning. If they corner you on the issue let them know it was a matter of faith for you. If they get angry then it is their issue, they have no right to force their falling away on you. If they respect you then they will understand even if they don't agree.
Well if it was me I would not go. From all you have written your conscience is pushing you in the same direction. I know it's a tough choice but there you go.
Hmm. I would take a kind but firm stand on this one, for the sake of your uncle's soul. I would speak privately with the wife and beg her to reconsider having a true Mass offered for his funeral if it can possibly still be done. Tell her in a very kind way what amazing benefits it will have for your uncle, and offer to assist her in any way she needs if she wants to reconsider. This can all be said in a very non-accusing and helpful-sounding way. If she continues to resist or gets angry, well, then you can say something like "I understand," and leave it at that...but at least you will have tried. I would not go to the scandalous service.
Thank you for your comments, I was worried I was letting my thoughts get carried away. From what I have read its not an obligation to be buried with a funeral mass so therefore technically in that regard not a sin. The "priest" service is another whole issue. I was more concerned with what is my obligation to testify to the truth. This is just so sad what we have become as a society.
I agree with all the above comments . I would not go. I would arrange to have Masses said for him and keep him in my prayers. The advice about going after the " service" to visit with the family is good. Thats what the Church advises for weddings that are outside the Church. Avoid the ceremony but go to the reception. This is tragic. Your poor uncle. Thanks be to God you are there to pray and offer Masses.
My condolences on the passing of your uncle. I will pray for his soul at Mass today and keep him in our Morning Prayer. If they are having a wake that might be better place to pay respects than at this service. I dont see it as "wrong" if you attend. But i think you would be perfectly justified in declining if attending would seriously trouble your conscience or your presence would be interpreted as public endorsement (e.g., being asked to read, pray, or speak). If its too emotionally or spiritually damaging for you, then also i think you can decline. I think you can tell the family you dearly loved your Uncle, but for your personal faith reasons cant attend. Maybe your parish can have a service another time?
