That's not how God operates. Not a punishment but perhaps a purification. If the devil really had your soul you'd be going along your merry way and there would be no temptation and no trouble. You are truly united to Jesus it seems to me. You are experiencing a kind of agony in the garden abs offering it up will bear such powerful fruit for poor sinners who have no clue about what danger they are in. If you can--think of these sudden attacks in the midst of being with Jesus as the thorns driving into your heart. What Jesus experienced in His agony. Tbe day is coming I believe when He will reveal to you just how very close to His Heart you are.
Still experiencing abandonment and desolation. I got the book In Senu Jesu recently again and have been reading it for hope. I go to mass daily and have been going to Adoration. I still feel I've done something wrong even though I've been to confession. I hope God takes me out of this darkness
Is there someone in particular you love who needs conversion or healing? If there is offer your sufferings for them in love. Your sufferings will be the source of their conversion or healing. That person is going to be so blessed if you do this. And also you will have a focal point for when you feel abandoned you are doing it for love of that person.
According to Fr Ripperger (exorcist) it is a hugely powerful prayer when we do this. In a you tube interview with Chris Stefanick on spiritual warfare he also recommends using scripture verses to combat thoughts of abandonment or temptations against trust or faith. I think it is in part II that he discusses this. (It a series of 3 interviews) maybe someday here could put up the link.
