I lost everything dear to me, and I see no hope. I won’t commit suicide, but I often find myself pleading with God to take me. My life seemed to be going in a happy direction before 2020. I clearly see signs of the end, but all around me people think life is going to be fine and I’m a conspiracy theorist. I’ve been holding out on God to do something, but if I am insane I don’t want to live, as I chased away people I cared for. Is God going to force me to live like a crazy person for decades? I think I’m sane, but everyone around me accepts what’s happening in the world like it’s something normal. Please pray for me.
This is a very active Diabolical temptation. It has the footprints of Satan all over it. This is exactly the same temptation that caused Judas to hang himself. The Temptation to despair, to doubt God's Mercy and love. Get yourself at once to a good priest. A good very holy priest and unburden yourself to him. The main problem has been you need to humble yourself enough to unburden yourself by talking about this with a confessor. But having made this post is half the battle. Still rush off to a good priest in confession. Many , many prayers. Let us know how get on. I am sure it will be fine. You kept this locked in for far too long. But like a boil bursting it will heal now.
Don't keep this things hidden, talk about them with a good and Holy Priest. Their power comes from the fact that they are hidden.
First of all Thomas, you have us. I can't tell you the number of times I've called upon MOG friends, and they have come through. Second, discouragement is best fought with truth. When the devil comes accusing me at my personal judgment to throw up in my face the wrong I have done, Jesus won't deny the truth of those allegations, but he will say, "Terry sought out my Mercy and his sins are no more. He is my special brother! Begone!!" Your pre-2020 life is a happy memory, and the Lord has so much more in store to demonstrate His loving faithfulness. Try to live just today placing yourself in the care of the Two Hearts. "Show me Your care, Lord; let me praise you for your Goodness. Safe in the Refuge of the Two Hearts!
Good solid prayerful advice here, Thomas. We are here for you. Please go to Confession, as often as you can. Praying for you. edit: we are God’s people. We have been set apart. We are in the world but not of the world.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans that I [f]have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for [g]prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14I will let Myself be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’ This passage has given me great hope in past times. The Word of God is Truth. I also found consolation in the exhortation to seek first the Kingdom of God and all else will be provided for you.
Sometimes Thomas, I get frustrated and annoyed at how people just go out and take those vaccines without any kind of research. At how people swallow the narrative without question. At how the talking heads on TV and radio spout nonsense. At how those that took the "vaccine" look down on those of us that haven't. At how pompous state officials are trying to force people to take their vaccines. There is so much to he annoyed about. In those times however, I remind myself to let the frustration go. And to hand it over to Jesus. What else can we do? Its all just too big for any of us to carry....
I just want to clarify something. Is it a mortal sin to want to die? Like even if you just want to be in heaven? I know that commiting or helping commit suicide is a mortal sin. If so, I’ve been sinning for a long time.
...these days, if you are of one political persuasion, half the country thinks you are a conspiracy theorist. When you are trying to utilize common sense in thinking, and yet you are marginalized, it can indeed be quite maddening. But for my wife and son, I would often find myself pleading to God to take me, also. I was already trying to rack my brain to come up with $1,500 to pay biannual house taxes, and suddenly we are $500 overdrawn in checking, due to automatic withdrawal for some bills. Trust me, while many accept all that is happening in the world as "normal" , I see sheer madness and lunacy. So, you are not alone. Do not go day by day. Go hour by hour. It's much easier to get through life in small doses. How about we pray for each other. You hang in there. For me, avoiding the internet, avoiding news, and spending time before the Blessed Sacrament has helped, as well as the escapism of some old TV shows, and exercise. I often have zero motivation, but if I don't exercise, I feel even more stress build up in me.
I read somewhere that this will be the last "normal" summer. I've reflected on that at length. What do people think, is there truth in this?
There are so many faithful out there who are struggling spiritually. We were born for these times Thomas, we have to pray and fight for the Truth. I happened upon this quote today, and I thought of you.
You already know how much I identify with your situation and empathize with you. I’ve been there, but time and prayer, competent spiritual direction and the prayers of many friends (including those of our MOG family) got me through. Please, don’t give up or give in to despair. Muddle through, one day, one hour or one minute at a time. When it all seems too much and your mind is overwhelmed, gently turn your thought away from that downward spiral, and just as if it was a temptation to immorality or any other sin, ask for the Lord’s help to turn away from that destructive thought process and say, “Jesus, I trust in You. You take care of it.” Then every time you sense your mind descending into that destructive thought whirlpool again, stop, gently turn from it, and say again, “Jesus, I trust in You. You take care of it.” Do this every single time you start falling into those despairing thoughts, and be at peace. It will become a habit and soon you will overcome those thought patterns and truly experience peace. And as Padraig said, please, get to a competent priest, as soon as possible. These steps were the only thing that got me through a period very similar to what you’re experiencing.
No, simply wanting to be with the Lord in heaven is not at all sinful. My old pastor and spiritual director prayed for it every day. It only becomes sinful if you act to make it happen. Anything beyond that simple desire to be with the Lord in Heaven, turn away from gently as you would from any temptation, and pray that prayer, “Jesus, I trust in You, You take care of it.” My other constant prayer, when the world and the news is overwhelming, is Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have Mercy on me, a sinner, and on the whole world.
If it's any consolation: Husband and I are married since 1993. He's disabled. We've been through years of seizures (now controlled), a mild stroke, financial setbacks (one severe), risk of losing our home (now paid off), etc. In mid-2015, I figured brighter days lay ahead. We'd just paid off the house. He'd not had a seizure in years. In January 2016 I was employed by a reasonable company and regaining lost income, and with benefits (health insurance, paid time off). We're hoping to do a bit of traveling within the USA. Then "Hillary/Trump" happened. Half the country loses its marbles over "literally Hitler." City blocks burning down, random violent assaults, mass shootings. In November 2017, the promising company failed and suddenly I'm laid off. I could be bitter about all this. And "rightfully so." Husband and I "deserved" to go on into a safe, secure, prosperous older age ... and on. But that is not happening, as we know. I've surrendered it all to Christ and Mary. Reading the lives of Saints, many of whom lived through times as terrible as these or worse, helps.
Thanks you for all your support, guys. The earliest I can make it is first Friday next month. But I’ll tell my confessor everything.
Well, Charlie Johnston said something about 3-4 years ago that it would be the last "normal" Christmas. Things are so very different in the world now than they were even 5-10 years ago, but I'm not sure I could say that this will be the last "normal" summer. I don't think anything has been anywhere near normal since Corona came on the scene in March of 2019. But God is good and He takes care of His children. The future is a mystery known unto Him alone and I can't put a label on anything just now.
