A man who failed every Lenten Season (Saying the Chaplet of Mercy)

A man who failed every Lenten Season
(Saying the Chaplet of Mercy)​

One day a few years ago, one of the retreatants here approached me and asked to see me. He looked somewhat distraught. As we sat down he told me how frustrated he was with himself over his weakness and inability to live out his resolution for Lent. “I have never had a good Lent,” he told me. I thought to myself, this might not be the best time to let him know that I am pretty much in the same boat as he is.

As he talked, I began to see a pattern in his life. He was just as demanding of others as he was with himself. He had paid a high price for this tendency. He had lost friendships, and his marriage was in trouble because his wife did not live up to her responsibilities as a wife. At least according to him. Everything about his marriage was about his wife, her problems and how she was responsible for the trouble they were having. It never occurred to him seemingly that his wife was just burned out with all of his desire to correct and control her.

I was a bit befuddled by this time, how to bring these two together.

So I brought up for his consideration that perhaps he treated his wife and was demanding towards her the way he was with himself, and just as unforgiving about it. He seemed startled by this. So I brought up what he said about his failures at keeping his Lenten resolve and his subsequent shame, and anger about it. Perhaps he was failing at Lent because if he was ‘successful’ he would be even more insufferable to be around.

“What? Was his response. Perhaps I said, “You need to embrace the reality of failure in how you live out your faith. To ‘miss, the mark’ is something experienced 7 times by the just man every day. Yet we continue the journey, for in reality there is no such thing as a truly just man. We can judge others harshly and most of the time we do not have the full story, hence the injunction not to judge. In your critical stance towards your wife, you place her in a position that is both very frustrating but also impossible. You demand from your wife, what you cannot do yourself. Your failings are not leading you to self-knowledge, nor to a deeper trust in God’s mercy for you and not only you but all. So, until you learn from what you struggle with and allow it to deepen your understanding of others, you will be stuck.”

He responded, “I still don’t see the connection”. So I said: “When we judge others, the reason it is so destructive is that we are also judging ourselves as well. I am talking about judging the worth or soul of another human being.” “How do I grow in understanding of what you are telling me”, he said.

So we talked about the nature of mercy, towards others as well as towards ourselves. Which flows from the mercy of God. He was Catholic, so we talked about forms of prayer, or devotions, which might help him to deepen his understanding of having compassion and mercy towards himself and others. So we talked about a Catholic devotion called “The Chaplet of Mercy”. It is a simple prayer and if said in a prayerful manner, can lead to healing on a deep level. In praying this chaplet with attention, what is happening is the one praying is placing before God all of mankind asking for mercy. In doing this, they are binging before Christ Jesus, all who have hurt, betrayed, or abused them in any way. It is asking for mercy for the one saying the chaplet and leaving no other human being out of this beautiful prayer lifting up humanity into the depths of God’s merciful love for all. It is often said for the dying.

These are the three central prayers of the chaplet, said with rosary beads.

1. Eternal Father, I offer unto you, the most precious body and blood, soul and divinity, of your beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and for those of the whole world. (Said on the Our Father bead)

2. For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world. (Said on the Hail Mary beads)

3. At the end of the chaplet this prayer is said three times: Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Many people rush through prayers like this. I guess it is ok, yet to say the prayers slowly and with focus, can lead one deeply into the very heart of the Trinity, who wills that all be saved. We unite our will with the will of God when saying this prayer. In saying the Chaplet slowly, it is not necessary to say the whole five decades, but to simply be present, relaxed, and to allow the feeling of the beads to keep one present to the moment. Each person will say the chaplet differently in how the heart prays it, yet it is a beautiful healing prayer for all, and for those of us who struggle with forgiving others, this is a good prayer to bring us to the point where we put on the Mind and Heart of Christ Jesus.—Br.MD

 

the man you spoke about could have been me

 

Me as well, I learn from those I speak to......the point is to keep trying to be open to God's grace.

peace
mark

 

My Lenten sacrifice and penance is always so abysmal and I wonder how God can still Love me as his child with my meagre physically show of Love even if he gives us something extra to suffer!
I believe God allows us to feel our nothingness our total need of Him, so we remain grounded and humble! allowing us to see ourselves as we truly are! which is in reality on par with even the greatest sinner and in need of His mercy that we call down for ourselves and our brother sinners graces through our sufferings! we who have been blessed with the truth are expected to give in accordance to what we have been given and should be lights of suffering and acceptance that our brothers can see and follow!
Just my thoughts!

 

Good to hear from you, Mark; it has been awhile. Before coming on board and seeing your post I happened to be lamenting my failures in trying to live my Lenten commitments, too. Our boat, Lenten Lamentations is filling up! A good remedy when I find myself in this fallen situation is to picture myself picking up my Cross and continuing on the way to my own Golgotha. I'll encounter my encouraging Mother, family and friends who will help carry my burden, friends who will weep and pray, and yes, enemies (physical and spiritual) who will wail away. Most of all will be my merciful Jesus ahead of me offering His loving example for He has already passed through the veil...

Mark 8:34 And he called to him the multitude with his disciples, and said to them, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

 

Thanks Mark. This came with perfect ( thank you Holy Spirit) timing. I just had a long conversation with my daughter who is suffering through an emotionally abusive time in her marriage. I tried to listen and offer advice that I as we spoke I silently asked the Holy Spirit- your words not mine. She feels so weak, so beaten down. A failure. And in my humanness I really wanted to sock it to her husband. But thankfully the words that came out were pray and be merciful even though it means carrying your Cross. Now, please understand I also said you need to figure this out with or without him- because abuse - including emotional is not acceptable. And so this Wonderful Divine mercy chaplet is exactly what is needed. I’m blessed she lives nearby - I will see her tomorrow and yes will pray it slowly.
And the Holy Spirit directed me during my talk with her tonight that I think fits in a bit here. And I’m not one who remembers Scripture verses all the time but man the HS was on fire and it brought me here:

“but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,* in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.de for when I am weak, then I am strong.*

Weakness in eyes if this world brings us to Christ- who is our only strength.

 

miker,

I will keep you and especially your daughter and son-in-law in my prayers. Unfortunately, my wonderful Geralyn was on the receiving end of similar emotions in the early years of our marriage. I share the following from an original post some years ago:

I used to struggle with rage during the first 4 years of marriage, but it was a rage directed primarily at myself because of a perceived failure to live out the Faith to the degree I thought I should. This self-condemnation spilled over and affected my family primarily but did not spill out into "my public life." My wife and I called these two-to-three day stints: tailspins. We came up with measures that attempted to minimize the affects on our family, but...

Finally, in December of 1987, Our Lady intervened with a special grace at the First Friday Holy Mass when I heard these verses from Ephesians 1 preached on:

18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power in us who believe, according to the working of his great might.

When I claimed these verses for my personal need, those tailspins of rage were broken and my self-inflicted wounds goaded on by the devil were healed.

I'm not claiming there is a direct correlation with your daughter's and son-in-law's situation, but back them my wife bore the brunt of my self-condemnation; it affected the way I would interact with her and the kids (2 at that time). So your plan to seek the Lord's Mercy on an ongoing basis is so supportive. I don't know how long it will be before she experiences a definitive change in her relationship with her husband, but God will honor your steadfastness. I have never had another tailspin since 1987. So...I will pledge a Rosary and Chaplet per week to join you in this battle. I know what my beautiful wife endured, but God wins in the end!

O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!

 

From the bottom of my heart...thank you Terry. First for your witness and testimony which gives me hope. But, even more for your pledge of a Rosary and Chaplet. I know the Lord is with us in this battle and yes, I know without a doubt God Wins! Thank you again brother

 

One of my favorite scriptures miker. Given to me by the Holy Spirit many years ago when I was ready to give up. What a revelation that it is Jesus IN us. We were never meant to do it all ourselves. Your poor daughter. I will pray for her. Thank God you are close by.

 

Thank you AED for your prayers - she needs them and I know God will listen. Peace

 

Miker - I will keep your daughter and son-in-law in my prayers. Peace.

"Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary..."

 

I lifted up your daughter and son in law at Mass, miker and will remember them and your family in my prayers.

 

Praying, miker.

 

One thing that cheers me up a little about failing is that I have several penances. So at least when I drop the shoe on one or two things I still have others things

At least constant failures teach constant humility. We would be very hard to stick if we did not fall at all.

It reminds me of what once was said of the French Jansenist nuns of St Germaine,

'Pure as angels and proud as the devil'.

 

Thank you! Storming heaven!

 

Thanks so much Sam. Your prayers and those of all the others are going to be heard!

 

Thank you HH. these prayers help her and are encouraging me.

 

Padraig - I’ve heard it said that saints are the sinners who fell down but then got up. I guess that’s the mission. If you fall don’t lay in the muck- get up and dust yourself off and start again- God is always there.

 

Progress not perfection

 

Dear Brother Mark, dear forum members,

Thank you so much for posting this. As I said, that man could have been me.

At the risk of sounding silly, could you elaborate about where you see a connection between the man's failed lenten sacrifices and his wife's shortcomings, perceived and especially real? Does it make sense what I'm trying to ask?

Thank you muchly, and may God bless you and your community!