Last night, I struggled with temptation, and there was one moment where I got so close to falling that I’m not sure whether I did or not. All day I have been going back and forth between at some instances think I did fall and other times thinking I didn’t and need to trust in God’s Mercy. I need prayers that I stop going back and forth on this and just listen to and trust in God. This scrupulous thinking is interfering with my prayers and making me more vulnerable to temptations. On top of that, I’ve been trying to step up my efforts of evangelizing my family and local community -particularly this one guy I keep bumping into on the streets- this past week, and these scrupulous thoughts are taking my focus off of that as well. I won’t be going to mass until this Thursday, please pray that I don’t worry between now and then, but simply know whether to go to confession or trust and receive Holy Communion by then.
RW, My prayers are with you! My younger daughter, now 25 and expecting her first child, struggled with scrupulosity for about 5 years until she was 20. She was very repetitive with certain bedtime routines and was frequently overreacting and accusing herself of sin. We would pray with her about it periodically and let her know almost every day that we loved her whole bunches. Through experience, she is now able to nip her scrupulous mindset in the bud. You too will be able with God's grace to learn to do the same! Open your heart to the love of God every day; to Him you're one-of-a-kind and He loves you without measure. Have Mary wrap you in her Mantle and pray everyday to your guardian angel. If a persistent memory is coming to mind ask Jesus for His Mercy to enter that memory and bring healing. Be patient and know there is light at the end of the tunnel in this process! Jesus, we trust in You!
Years ago my husband struggled with a sin that kept creeping up that he was struggling with. He caught a Priest going into Mass in the parking lot of the Church and told him of his struggle. The Priest asked him if he had confessed the sin and he said that he had. The Priest then told him that every time his thoughts went to this, he was slapping Jesus on the face! Perhaps you should think about this when you are struggling with scrupulous behavior. Believe in His mercy! I will pray for you.
This is such a Huge Cross my heart goes out to you. Perhaps cultivating a Devotion to Divine Mercy and reading St Faustina Kowalski's Diary might help. I am fortunate in this regard. My sins are so huge and terrible they kind of wipe out scruples. I know I am totally dependent on God's Mercy.
It is true what the priest told him. We have to remember we are in a spiritual battle at all times and that battle requires faith. Lord I do believe, help my unbelief!
