Anxiety and Morning Coffee I love coffee. I enjoy the ritual of preparing it. Three scoops for a full pot, allowing the water to run, then getting that first taste of the bitter brew. Yes, I love the bitter taste of coffee. I guess I simply taught myself to enjoy dark, and bitter. It is a familiar place, a comfortable one, a good start for any day. As I age, I begin to notice that in the morning, even though I wake up rather quickly, there has always been a form of ‘suffering’ associated with it. Yes a dramatic word, but I do not have another word for it. It is low key, deep, and it is apparent when I wake up. Coffee, the making of it, the aroma, and the bitterness seems to get me out of that space. When young it was not so strong this underlying anxiety, so I could ignore it, but now it is something that I face every morning, though it is really not all that much of a bother. Just a part of my life. Like when I take an evening walk, I find it very soothing, comforting, and it makes it easier for me to awaken my mind a bit since in the evening I like most people, become very tired. Even then, there are evenings when I am tired, but find that I do not want to go to sleep, sort of like the feeling right after I wake up. I guess this is a common human experience, sort of like the commonness of grass, except this is my blade of grass. I am happy that I can now say that I do have some anxiety, it helps me to put my anger issues into perspective as well. It is about learning that I can’t control much, but I can deal with how I interact with a world that can be a bit chaotic and very unpredictable. I have come to believe that these experiences have a common thread associated with it. In some sense, both have to do with sleep. I am a very light sleeper, and I seem to dream right after I close my eyes. For instances, I can be reading in my room, say around 3 PM, then fall asleep for a few minutes, no more than five, yet when I wake up, it is in the middle of a dream. This is not uncommon in the population, but the majority of people seem to start dreaming further into their sleep cycle. I wonder if this has a little something to do with my morning’s feeling somewhat dark, empty, and the underlying anxiety. I do know that when I get my coffee after I wake up, and walk out the front door of the retreat house, it always brings up a feeling of hope and even joy. On some mornings it is hot, and there is life all around me. Snails on the walkway, and the wall that keeps me from plunging over into the parking lot covered with many of these little, humble, creatures. Which by the way, are beautiful and elegant. Sometimes, I hear a lone bird calling out, or crickets seeking a mate, a lot of crickets. Cicada’s once in a while with their ear-piercing call will also greet me. Palmetto bugs as well. As long as stay outside they are good, but one step inside, well it does not end well. Rain, and wind, I find it all soothing and delightful. I love to breathe in the cold air. I get a great deal of pleasure from listening to rain, both the gentle music of the falling raindrops as they hit the pavement or the leaves on the bushes and trees, that surround me. As well as the hard pounding heavy metal kind of storm, with high winds, and lightning and thunder. One morning as I was sipping my coffee, a very loud thunderclap boomed just above the Monastery. I jumped and spilled my coffee…..I laughed, a good way to start any day, with a laugh. As long as I center myself on what is important at that time of the day, the anxiety soon dissipates, if I do not, it can linger, and become ‘The Noon-Day-Devil’, an experience of inner wandering, discontent, and a feeling that I am slowly dissipating into the wind. There are days when I seem to prefer that, being a hungry ghost, instead of being rooted in what is loving and eternal, beckoning me to respond. To respond, to give time, to let go of what is really not that important, can for me, be difficult. I am not always sure why, but at bottom, one thing I do fear is love, as well as desire it. Yet love that is real, demands everything. Sometimes I put in my heels and act like a child holding it’s breathe…..fruitless I know, yet still something I do. Perhaps I need to experience the ‘hell’ of my own inner emptiness if left to myself over and over again until I learn what I am made for. It is my own fear that keeps me from letting go and holding on to what is not only harmful but in the end useless.—Br.MD
I have heard of sleep spoken of as the, 'Little Death'. In so many ways this is true. I recall reading in Neuopsychology that there is a kind of switch of section in the lower brain that triggers when we go to sleep and that sometimes when it kicks in it kills people and they are found dead in their sleep. No wonder it is so part of Catholic religious tradition to pray just before sleep. I really do believe the demons do emerge in the dark. In the day time too. But especially in the dark. By demons, I do mean demons. Actual demons. When we fall asleep which of us knows for certain if we will really ever wake up again? It is like diving into some black unknown ocean
Fr Ripperger recommends consecrating our dreams to the Sacred Heart before we sleep. I've been doing this. In the past I have experienced some attacks in my dreams as well as some wonderful blessings and consolations. There is no doubt we are vulnerable spiritually when we are asleep. I always invoke St Michael and my Angel as well.
Me too. Sad fact is that the morning rises and falls on a good cup of coffee. My brother in law told me once when visiting him and NO coffee to be had that I was a coffee snob. When we go to see them now I bring coffee and pot and filters.
Yes but sometimes dreams take the strangest turns. I have dreamt for the last couple of months of a group of people out at night during the Blitz during the Second World War in London. I dream it in total black and white like an old flm. Some of them die there. Over and over. Who knows what it means? Prayers for their souls any way. I saw one of their bodes afterwards it was liquid.
I can totally relate to the idea of waking up in the morning as a kind of 'suffering', you've expressed it so accurately. It seems to be getting worse for me as I get older too. Most mornings I just groan inwardly and think, no, no, no! I LOVE my sleep. Coffee is one of the first things I think of, maybe not even consciously, but the thought - habit, I suppose - is always there and that is what helps me to get out of bed. On Fridays I try to fast from coffee. Waking up on a Friday morning and realising there's no coffee to look forward to... it nearly kills me. But usually I don't remember that it's Friday-no-coffee until I'm already up and in the kitchen and that is a grace. Sometimes I don't remember until I'm already sipping the coffee and that is an even bigger grace .
Oh no! I LOVE the mornings. It is like a new Easter. I am an eager rabbit in the mornings. To be alive is such a gift. Life is such a great, great, great gift. I am endlessly grateful of it. Especially in the mornings. But perhaps I am unusual in this. I find my Faith such a constant source of unending joy. I often laugh . I especiailly laugh when praying. I hear heaven laughing too. Sometimes I wonder if heaven could be any better. There is the Shadow of the Cross surely. But it seems to me only the shadow of shadow/
I actually love the morning time too. It's waking up that I can't bear. I hate leaving sleep behind. It only lasts a very short time and once I'm up all is well. I really wish I could be more of an early riser because the morning time is the best time of day. Especially sunrise, beautiful.
Early morning risers recall their dreams better. Recalling our dreams is important. Scripture and the lives of the saints are full of them. Late sleepers miss this. It is a great gift. The Early Christians knew this; it is a gift often mentioned in the Early Fathers. Dreams are mentioned again and again in the stories of the Martyrs
There are two times a year that I can look out my window and see the sun rise over the Chesapeake Bay, a few weeks in November, and now a few weeks in January. (in between the house next door and the street) I like to be waiting and watching it. We have had so much rain and I have really missed it. I just can't navigate in the morning without the coffee, though. To me, this thread reinforces it! Padraig, I love your thoughts about dreaming.
I'm not a coffee drinker but I do love the smell of it brewing. When I drink it, it does not agree with me. I am a tea addict. Please pray for me today because I am giving it up. Although I love tea, it does not love me back and I am sure it is making me anxious.
Dear Lumena, I will say a prayer for you...sometimes these simple pleasures are all we have. Look on the web and see if you can find a healthy substitute. I just looked at this. I do the ginger and lemon hot tea...with raw honey. It’s great and you might love it. There are others that I’m not familiar with...but sound great! https://www.thekitchn.com/caffeine-free-hot-drinks-182397
Herbal teas are quite soothing Especially with some honey Will pray I just now noticed Beth’s link Thank you Beth
Arrgggghhhh!!! As someone who suffers from worrying even about things I needn't, I thank you for these wonderful little tidbits of information.
Yes!! Wonderful. I used to send it to my son wh ed n he was stationed in Iraq. Pounds and pounds of it. Hard to get good coffee there and like his mom he NEEDED it.
