Discussion in 'Coffee House' started by Border collie, Jul 7, 2016.
Pastor doing badly under the third degree.
That was too cringe-worthy for me to watch more than a minute!
A little humor on the MILINET site today:
News Update from Canada
[COURTESY: Capt Will xxxxxx, USMC (Ret)]
The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals snaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution. Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said, I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that contribute to the economy.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?”
GOD SAVE ALL HERE!!
JESUS, SAVE ALL HERE .... Please!
My daughter told me this joke the other day...
"Did you hear the one about the magician? He waved his magic wand, said "uno, dos..." and disappeared without a tres."
Love it!! I have one from 7year old grand nephew: what did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
How to Get into Heaven from Ireland
(A true Irish story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher )
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, the answer was 'NO!'
'If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, they all answered 'NO!'
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'
A little boy shouted out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'
It's a curious race, the Irish.
Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
Ouch, that boy needs to have his mouth washed with bleach!
EWTN Acquires Holy See
Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired the Vatican-based Holy See.
“EWTN has been a partner with the Holy See for many years, and I am very pleased and excited that this highly respected organization will become a part of the EWTN family of services,” said Network chairman Michael P. Warsaw. “Since its founding two-thousand years ago, the Vatican has proven itself to be a valuable source for all things Catholic.”
Under the terms of the agreement, no cash will be exchanged between the parties, and EWTN will assume control of all ongoing activities of the Vatican. Host of The World Over Raymond Arroyo is expected to be named new head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.
“Among other impressive accomplishments, the Vatican is the world’s largest charitable organization in the world,” Arroyo said. “It was founded in 33 A.D. and it’s been expanding ever since. I truly believe that this union is a match made in Heaven.”
Though the Holy See has long been a player in religion, it has struggled of late with many financial issues. But many analysts are saying that with EWTN’s power and influence now backing the Holy See, it should really start becoming a real contender again.
Well it may be a step in the right direction!
It took me over an hour to get the joke behind the image!
Me too! Well, more than an hour, I left it and came back to it.
Separate names with a comma.