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Discussion in 'Welcome to new Members' started by Mea Kulpa, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. Mea Kulpa

    Mea Kulpa Angels

    My son turned six the other day. About 6 month ago he asked me if santa was real. I told him santa's real name is st nicholas that he works for jesus. He said some of the kids at school said he wasnt real. I knew then i had to tell him the reality but i wanted one last Christmas for him and i guess for his mother and I.

    So i waited until christmas was over and he turned six. Tonight I told him the truth about how st nicholas (santa) died along time ago and is in heaven.

    He asked where the presents come from and i told him we got them for him. He was clearly shocked and i feel awful i feel like i robbed him but at the sametime i gave him something more important.. the truth.

    I told him i didnt want him to think that i was lying and thats why i told him but he said that i had been lying to him but i said no i told you there was a saint nicholas and there was and i think he understood.

    I feel that he appreciated the truth and that ultimately due to his demeaner after that it brought us together more. In a sense i am pleased because i think santa detracts from the true meaning of Christmas and i want build relationship of trust.

    I was not going to tell him so soon. The situation just presented itself. I wanted to discuss it with my wife first but without thinking and sensing a real connection with my son i opened up to him and i admit it was a bit selfish on my part as we have not bonded as a father and son as much as we could have while his younger brother and i do have that bond and i wanted that for my eldest also and i really feel it brought us so much closer.

    Now my wife loves all of the Christmas build up the writing letters to santa the santa movies etc absolutly loves it so the question is do we as father and son break the news to her or do we allow her to have her christmas. I dont like keeping secrets but at the sametime i want her to continue to enjoy the things she enjoys so much about the putting cookies out for santa etc

    I had the same dilema when i realised there was no santa with my parents... i never told them i stopped believing for years i pretended i believed even getting to a point where even i was beginging to think they would think i am to old to believe in santa... was it right to let my parents think i believed in santa?
     
  2. Fatima

    Fatima Powers

    I don't think there is a right or a wrong in how one celebrates the Christmas season. My wife loves Christmas more than anything. My older daughters were home and giving her the business about having so many snowmen in the house. So they did a tour from the basement to the 3rd floor and she had 127 :eek:. She has a Santa Clause and Mrs. Santa Clause about 2-3' tall. She just loves it all, but her most looked forward event is decorating her tree and setting up her beautiful stable scene. All of our children were raised with Santa, but they figure it all out sooner or later. Your wife will continues to enjoy the season and she will do fine knowing that your son knows.
     
    HeavenlyHosts and Mea Kulpa like this.
  3. Mea Kulpa

    Mea Kulpa Angels

    Thank you for your reply.. she can always have it with my youngest at least for a few more yrs...how do i break it to her, she will be mad that i didnt discuss it and rightly so...she will also be mad i spoiled it for our son which i do still feel guilty about maybe i cud have left it a few more yrs but with the children at school i felt it best coming from parents.. kids grow up too fast these days and they need to be able to trust their parents now more than ever and i just dont like lying to my children especially when it can call into question what you teach them about Christ
     
  4. Don_D

    Don_D Powers

    The same thing happened with my oldest daughter Mea Kulpa and I too in a round about way did the same thing as you. My wife and I had agreed that we would not lie to the kids about it, we just were not ready for it to happen so soon.
    Our youngest on the other hand believed for many more years after that. I had asked her older sister not to tell her and she did not, our youngest would come home from time to time talking about the kids saying that Santa was not real but never actually asked us for many more years. She always held the dialog with herself and decided that they were simply wrong. It was very cute.
    Kids grow up very fast these days. Your son simply put you on the spot and there was no choice without him knowing anyway. Better to come from you.
     
    Mea Kulpa likes this.
  5. Mea Kulpa

    Mea Kulpa Angels

    Well i am in the Dog house with my wife she says i have ruined christmas for our son and that she thinks its disgusting i told him & that i have ruined his childhood... on the plus side my son and i have been extremely close today my wife was going to take the kids out because she couldnt stand to be around me she said but my son wanted to stay with me so we all ended up going shopping and while my wife hardly spoke to me my son never left my side asking questions such as why do we have freckles why do we need to blink and can i sit beside you in the car dad
     
  6. padraig

    padraig New Member

    Ah why do we have freckles? What a lovely question.:):) What a beautiful gift to have a family no matter what the problems. No one ever asks me such questions.

    This reminds me of when I was young. There were seven brothers and three sisters. I was the second oldest and my older brother Ciaran made his buisness as soon as he knew there was no Santa to fill the rest of us in on the news. Year after year. I recall I loved Santa so much. It was the death of something magical.

    I would say nothing good can ever come from a lie. So if we are asked an outright question on the subject we cannot tell lies; especially to children. If not asked I would be happy to let it rest.

    My grandmother used to tell us fairy and ghost stories which I always believed (though even back then I found it hard to believe in the Little People...but if my grandmother said so). There is an old quote come
    s to mind,

    'Step gently on my dreams'

    I think that this is so.

    [​IMG]

     
    Mea Kulpa likes this.
  7. padraig

    padraig New Member

     
  8. lynnfiat

    lynnfiat Fiat Voluntas Tua

    There was a family that lived near us at Mother Angelica's Shrine and Monastery who told us that they told their children (a family of nine children) that it was Baby Jesus who brought them the gifts. I thought this was so beautiful and wished I would have told this to my son when he was little - as it is so true. All gifts come from God!
     
    Byron, Mea Kulpa, Carol55 and 2 others like this.
  9. Frodo

    Frodo Principalities

    His childhood certainly is not ruined. My wife and I never did the Santa thing with our children. We chose to try to better focus them on the true meaning of Christmas -Christ's birth. They know that whatever gifts they may receive are from the love of their parents which in some small way reflects God's great gift of love himself in Jesus. They are very aware of the tradition of Santa however and know they better not tip their cousins!
     
    Mea Kulpa, Carol55 and AED like this.
  10. Don_D

    Don_D Powers

    Honestly, I'd say it was well worth it. Your son knows he can count on you to give it to him straight and that's something worth a few days in the dog house.
     
    Mea Kulpa and Frodo like this.
  11. AED

    AED Powers

    My 7 year old granddaughter asked me “how many Santa Clauses are there?” Trying to figure out all the various Santa’s in various venues. I said they are Santa’s helpers and proceeded to tell her about Saint Nicholas and how Santa Clause is actually a version of Saint Nicholas. Claus being a nick name for Nicholaus. I explained he was very real and he was in heaven and he was the one who started giving gifts to help people. She seemed satisfied.
     
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  12. Julia

    Julia Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.

    When one of my children asked me the question, is Santa Claus real, I replied. For those who believe he is real he comes with gifts at Christmas, for those who do not believe he is real, no gifts arrive at Christmas.

    Not one of my children have ever to this day mentioned the Santa doubt again, I wonder why.

    When my son was about 8 years old, he sent a letter to Santa.
    Dear Santa, if you can not bring me a computer for Christmas, please don't bother to come.

    I guess he had already worked out the source of the gifts; but no conversation ever took place. Needles to say, if a computer did not arrive, it was because we did not have the finances to produce one. Sigh. Those were the days.

    Whatever we had we would always say Jesus is the One whose birthday we celebrate. And His generosity is why we are the ones getting the presents and having a party. Praised be Jesus and Mary.
     
  13. Fatima

    Fatima Powers

    What did Jesus do when speaking to those who were not ready for 'solid food'? Jesus spoke in parables. St. Nicholas could be used in the same way. He spoke in way's they could understand a mystery in a very simple way. This is what we are parents try to do with our children on St. Nick. I don't see any problem with putting joy into a little ones heart while making sure they know of the Christ child being born, which is deep mystery in itself.
     
    Byron, AED and Mea Kulpa like this.
  14. sterph

    sterph Principalities

    I had to tell my son too. He asked point blank and was astonished at the answer. I told him about St. Nicholas as well. I still give him one present from Santa and one from Jesus every year.
     
    Mea Kulpa likes this.
  15. Mea Kulpa

    Mea Kulpa Angels

    Thank you all for your comforting words. I really needed them... Due to work commitments i dont get to spend as much time with the kids as i would like especially with my eldest who is at school maybe 30hrs a week in short segments. So i really wanted to connect with him over the christmas period and that is more christmas than santa ever could be and i feel we have done just that..

    today apart from my wife being upset it has been so wonderful. My son has showed me so much love in ways that only a child can... for example when we went to the supermarket where ever i went he was with me when he went a bit far away he would come running back and put his arms around me and give me a hug and dancing in the isles together as we shopped there was nothing special about the activity we did (food shopping) but it was so extraordinarly special because of how my son and i interacted and that is a part of the whole true meaning of Christmas.

    Families coming together to celebrate christ's birth and building better connections with each other spending quality time together and taking advantage of the time we have off work and school. I see a deeper level of respect and trust in his eyes.

    I think as parents we try to keep our children as children too long as we infatalise and as we do so the education system the governments through the media exploite that and they become the primary educators.

    Today my son saw a box of cornflakes with santa on them his immediate reaction was "theres santa" then he stopped and looked at the box and considered it. I thought this can be a way to help him understand marketing in the future.

    I have always believed that children should be treat not exactly like adults but with the same level of respect and dignity as a adult and children have always responded to that in a positive way.

    My wife is much more of a disiplinarian than i but when the kids wont do as she says she will ask me to "tell them" of course i never do "tell them" i always ask them nicely with respect and dignity and a please and then a thank you if they do it... and 9 times out of 10 they do it... its only if they dont do it that i start getting strict with them.

    The way i see it a mothers child will always be her children her babies... a mother cares for her babies her children but i think a father is there to form them into men/adults educate them and how can a father expect his sons to show respect and dignity to others if he does not do so to them and needlessly perpetuating a lie is not in conformity with that ethos.... i do still feel bad about it tho.

    Parenting is a confusing vocation there does not seem to be any set rule and we always want the best for them but we often do not know the best course of action.

    For example i want my sons first holy communion to be kneeling and on the tongue but the school do not teach it this way so i would have to ask a priest who says the latin mass if he could make his first holy communion at his parish away from school and his class while my wife wants him to make it with the school and his class mates and i can understand why... so its always confusing and difficult... in the end we just hope we make the best decision for them
     
    HeavenlyHosts, Sam and padraig like this.
  16. Mea Kulpa

    Mea Kulpa Angels

    My wife thinks i am "obsesed" with catholicism and politics she sometimes asks me to let the kids have a sunday off from going to mass says i should not force them to go to mass.

    She is not a woman of the world she is a very good mother but understands very little of politics it "goes over her head" she does not understand the world they will be growing up in the hatred and the discrimination they will experience.

    The mockery from peers the temptation to abandon the faith the manipulation of the media the political correct propaganda that is being pushed even in Catholic schools..


    or how the church maybr be in 10 to 15 years as she suffers from this terrible loss of faith herself and could be virtually empty as the older generation pass on to eternal life she does not understand that our children need to realise they have a responsiblity to their parents, grandparents great grandparentd and all of the great saints myters all of the faithfull of today and years gone by to uphold the faith and defend it to keep it to make sure they stand up for it. She does not realise that i carry this responsiblity also that i have to learn about the faith to try and keep it as best i can in all of this turmoil to defend it to profess it to be a voice for it and at the sametime pass it on to my sons... she does not realise we are at a historic moment in history that our faithfulness or cowardess will determine if our children or our childrens children will know Jesus Christ and hold dear the same principals we do today or even if they will of even heard of him... she does not realise that they want to irradicate catholicism and Christ from the face of the earth and that we (as we are both Catholic) have a duty to Christ to pass on our faith and let our children know how important it is to us that they make sure they keep it and pass it on to their own children.

    I had my son on my knee at mass a few weeks ago and i had him look around i asked him how many children he saw.. he said he saw some i asked how many old people and he said lots i told him as he gets older and the older people die he and the few kids there will inherit the church and that he will have a very important job to do because there will be so few of them. we are the present holders of the faith they are the future what we instill in our children today is the future of the church... the devil knows this and is why the final battle will be about the family and because it is the final battle and we know christ will win we know the family will win
     
    HeavenlyHosts, Don_D, padraig and 2 others like this.
  17. padraig

    padraig New Member

    I love your posts; you have a beautiful soul.:)
     
  18. Pray4peace

    Pray4peace Ave Maria

    My husband has occasionally accused me of being obsessed with Catholicism as well. I usually agree with him and tell him it's a pity that more people are not.:D
    I have found that when I agree with him on almost any type of verbal jab, that it becomes "no fun" and he moves on to something else.

    Marriage and family life offer us so many opportunities to grow in virtue, don't they? It reminds me of a wall plaque that my sister gave me. It says "Lord, grant me the patience to endure my blessings".;)
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2018
    AED, HeavenlyHosts and Sam like this.
  19. AED

    AED Powers

    Good advice! I have the same situation. I think many people--catholic and non---just don't want God to get too close. They aren't outright opposed to Him or to going to Church but they don't like passion about it. They get edgy if you take God seriously and you want to draw closer and closer. They stRt to get condescending when the subject of abortion or taking the Ten Commandments very seriously comes up or the sacredness of the sacrament of marriage. I have lived this with those all around me and right in my own home. They really don't want God "encroaching" on their daily life. The secular gospel outranks the Gospel of Christ. When I really think about it I get frightened for them. Hell is another topic they just don't want to hear. I have given up saying much. I used to storm the ramparts but I just don't any more. I pray and I hope and I try not to worry.
     
  20. Pray4peace

    Pray4peace Ave Maria

    You are so right!!
     

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